Are Straight Girls a Buzz Kill at Gay Bars?


As a gay man, I’ve noticed that a lot of the younger guys have started bringing their gal pals along to clubs. At Trigger some nights, there are as many straight girls as gay guys. That’s fine, but it can also be a “c*ck block.” Guys don’t hook up for fear of abandoning their pals.  Also, more straight guys have been showing up, swift on the tail of the cute girls. Mistaking a straight guy for gay is a real mood killer. What to do?

He Said: Clubs like Trigger also attract women who love to dress up and dance without being hit on every time they turn around. This, ironically, attracts straight men. You must admit, though, that it’s culturally healthy since this means more straight men are gay-friendly and actually enjoy being in a gay-dominated scene. Integration, my brother, is a trend that’s likely to continue, so the sooner you adapt, the better.

Straight men have had to deal with the opposite situation for years: Straight women, especially ones who love to dance, bring their gay boyfriends into hetero bars. We’ve found that a good way to borrow the person we’re interested in is to go to the friend first for an introduction. For you, this means approaching the girlfriend first and asking whether her friend is available. Throwing a few compliments her way will help. If you work it right, she could be an advocate for you, rather than a block.

One final note: As a straight guy, I can tell you that it’s flattering to be hit on by an attractive gay man, and I’m not the only guy who feels this way. So think of all of your come-ons as charitable compliments, some of which get you a hookup and all of which earn you good karma.

She Said: One of my friends goes out to gay clubs a lot, and when I asked her about this, she told me gay guys bring their female friends to expressly act as “bozo deflectors.” She stands guard and provides an easy exit for her friend. If he happens to like whoever’s coming on to him, he gives her a thumbs-up, and she disappears. Smooth, huh?

I wouldn’t worry about hitting on the straight guys, as any guy who goes to Trigger looking for girls is well aware of the possibilities. I think, as they say, the only way out is through. Don’t just befriend the girls—dance with them and flirt heavily. It might seem like a waste of time, but it’s likely to yield more results in the long run. And, not to sound like gay guys need to offer all this charity to us straight people, but you will be making a lot of women very happy. Any girl will tell you that a roomful of attentive gay men is a dream come true. It shouldn’t be hard to win them over and, by extension, their gay friends.

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