Should I Be Sketched Out That My Boyfriend is Planning a Trip to Belize With Another Woman?
My boyfriend is going on vacation to Belize with a girl he's known since childhood and insists there's no reason to be concerned. He says they had sex a few times in college, but decided they were better friends than lovers, and haven't had sex since. I've met her a few times, and while she's been very nice to me, the whole trip seems weird and suspect. The farthest he and I have ever traveled together is Tahoe for a weekend. Now he's jet-setting off to Central America with another woman?
He Said: Even putting aside the sex issue, I think you have a couple of valid concerns here. First, he prefers to take this trip with her rather than you. Second, although he likely knows this decision bothers you, he's going anyway. This doesn't have to be a deal breaker. I'd take it as a red flag and pack it away in the closet -- not to wave it at him in some future fight but to use it as a signal of where you two are right now as a couple. For you to have the kind of intimacy he shares with his childhood friend may take you many years, and having his sexual fidelity isn't going to bring you closer by itself. Look past this trip, and work with him to plan some future trips or other meaningful events that you two can share and build on. However, if in the future he counties to prefer his friend's company to yours for long vacations or otherwise finds reasons to connect with others rather than you, take the hint and move on.
She Said: I smell a fish. If you've been dating him for three or fewer months, take the advice above. If, however, you've been monogamous for more than three months, tell him in no uncertain terms that this trip alarms you, and that you take it to mean he's not all that serious about you, and that you will explore all your options while he's in Belize. You might even suggest you two remain in a relationship but date others. Then follow through. See your friends, date others, and plan a trip with whomever you choose. You shouldn't have to explain to a boyfriend why this situation is super sketchy.