Skip to Navigation Skip to Content

Two Sense: Am I More Bisexual Than I Think?

Illustration by Caitlin Kuhwald

 

I’m a 30-something woman who has always identified as straight (with a little bi-curiosity). I’ve had two one-night experiences with women—one was hot, one was just the opposite—but honestly, I have no desire to be in a relationship with a woman. I love men, physically and emotionally. The weird thing is the fantasies that run in my head often involve women’s bodies—men’s too, but there are lots of female parts. Is this because women’s bodies are so pretty? Have I seen too much porn? Maybe I’m more bisexual than I think. How common is it for a straight woman to fantasize so much about other women?

He Said: I surveyed several of my female friends, and all of them found your fantasies normal. Men generally thought you were hot just for having them. So I’m not sure you need to figure out why you fantasize about women’s bodies. It might be a mix of the reasons you stated or something else entirely. Without question women’s bodies are more beautiful than men’s—I mean, have you ever had a close look at a scrotum?

Also, as a guy who’s been involved with a few slightly bi to mostly lesbian women, I can tell you that a good percentage of us aren’t threatened by our partners having sex with another woman if it’s a sexual and not an emotional relationship—and that’s exactly what your gal-on-gal experiences sound like. Bottom line: Relax. You like guys, so date guys, and fantasize about whomever you want. If you ever do want to bring a woman into your heterosexual mix, I think I can safely speak for the male population in assuring you that most guys, barring only the most sexually conservative ones, would be more than willing to accommodate you.

She Said: Likewise, I don’t see a problem. In fact, I’m kind of feeling you on this—no pun intended. Though the actual research is a bit hither and thither on the subject, there is definitely enough out there to suggest it’s not at all uncommon for straight women to fantasize about women. I can think of several reasons. As you say, female bodies are decidedly more erotic: softer, smoother, and usually better-smelling too. Fantasizing about a turned-on woman probably helps fuel your own turn-on because you identify with her. If you’re mostly straight, girl-on-girl action holds the power of being different than your usual scenario. Finally, I’d venture to say that these female bodies you picture are slim but curvy, mostly hairless, and possessing big boobs, round asses, long hair, cellulite-free legs, flat tummies, manicured nails, and perfectly made-up faces. In other words, they are porn images not at all unlike magazine models or airbrushed movie stars. There’s nothing wrong with that, but realize that these fantasy women may simply represent nothing more than a culturally sanctioned, idealized version of you.

Confused? Heartbroken? Need advice? Send your questions to twosense@7x7.com