Back Door Girl, Part 3


By: The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about four months now. We have a great sex life but he wants more: he wants me to try anal sex with him. The problem is that I don’t want to. I’ve never done this and I’ve never wanted to. We’re very adventurous otherwise—we’ve had sex in public places, we’ve tried toys, we’ve watched porn together. But I just can’t get into the whole anal thing. He thinks I’m being selfish. What do you guys think?—EA

Darren    The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox

Tell him you’ll try it if he’ll try it. When he tilts his head to the side and gives you that “but how could we do that” look, tell him they make all kinds of things that would allow him to experience the same sort of sensation he’s asking you to experience. Hell, they even make things that would allow you to experience it at the same time. When he says, “But I don’t really want to do that,” you’ll have your sweet revenge.

It’s cool to be adventurous, even try the anal thing if you want to, but make sure you do it because you want to. Why does he want to try anal intercourse in the first place? Has he heard that it’s better and he just wants confirmation? Did he try it with some other girlfriend and he thinks he’s missing that in his relationship with you? Get to the bottom of the situation (yes, pun intended) to see why he wants to go down that path. That may help answer some questions for you and open up a whole new line of communication in the process. If he’s like most guys, he’s probably going to feel a little uncomfortable even answering the questions, and he may even get a little embarrassed and clam up. He might also shy away from ever bringing it up again. Either way, remember that it’s your body, not his. Do with it what you want, not what he expects you to do.

Check in tomorrow to read the straight woman's perspective by Rebecca Brown.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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