Co-Ed Cougar


By: The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I’m a thirty-nine-year old female who’s separated and just starting to get on with my life. I recently started college and for the most part, I’m enjoying it. I have a couple of classes with the younger crowd and a couple of young men have hit on me. Although this is flattering, I know they just want to have sex. That doesn’t bother me because I don’t want a relationship right now, but I wouldn’t mind having some fun. The problem is that since I’m coming out of a long-term relationship, I don’t know how to go about it or what to do, and I have insecurities about being intimate with somebody younger. Any advice on how to get something going?—VP

Rebecca    The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy

Ah, back to school days ... in July? Nevertheless, Professor Chris is in session, VP, so get that number two pencil sharpened and ready. Got a nice, clean, blank piece of paper? Good. Here’s what you do … say yes. Got it? Y-E-S. When these younger men flirt and ask you out. That’s what you say to get things rolling again.

You certainly don’t need to start into another long-term relationship, and you don’t necessarily need to have intimate “study sessions” with every young male classmate who asks you out. But if you find a classmate whom you’re attracted to and think you could have a good time with, go for it.

As for being ready, aren’t we all essentially coming out of relationships? For some of us, we may have broken up yesterday, but we’re ready to immediately date; some of us wait twenty years before we think we’re ready; and unfortunately some of us never get out of our relationships and move on. So, I don’t think you need to worry about a “magic” time. You know when you’re ready, and you seem to know that time is now for you.

Just because you’re often on a campus these days doesn’t mean you’re restricted to only meeting college guys. You are allowed off-campus where you’ll meet guys who may be more closely aligned with your age and interests. Regardless of where you meet men—or boys—for dating, it’s all a part of your continuing education. As with any new student, go into it with an open, yet discerning mind, a willing attitude, and you’ll pass any test the dating world gives you.

Check in tomorrow to read the gay woman’s perspective by Jody Fischer.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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