Co-Ed Cougar, Part 2


By: The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I’m a thirty-nine-year old female who’s separated and just starting to get on with my life. I recently started college and for the most part, I’m enjoying it. I have a couple of classes with the younger crowd and a couple of young men have hit on me. Although this is flattering, I know they just want to have sex. That doesn’t bother me because I don’t want a relationship right now, but I wouldn’t mind having some fun. The problem is that since I’m coming out of a long-term relationship, I don’t know how to go about it or what to do, and I have insecurities about being intimate with somebody younger. Any advice on how to get something going?—VP

Rebecca    The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer

Congratulations on going back to school and moving on with your life! I’m guessing you have quite a glow about you now and those younger guys can see that. I want to remind you of all of the possibilities that can unfold for you now in the dating world. Just because younger men have hit on you doesn’t mean you have to jump. What about meeting guys closer to your own age? I’ll bet there may be some at school, but there are plenty of other places and ways to meet guys born in the same decade as you. I’m sure that many of these men would love to have some fun too.

If you do decide to play around with some of the younger guys, here are some things to remember about feeling secure: you had a set of dating self-doubts when you were younger, too. You know, the old will he like me, am I too fat, what if he doesn’t call? Ask yourself how you worked with your fears in the past. I’m guessing that you have a better understanding of yourself now than you did the last time you were dating.

Also, remember that these younger guys hit on you. Although you may be out of the loop, you still know the game. In fact, you may know the game better now. You may be able to spot a jerk from miles away, just as you may be better able to spot Mr. Right, or at least Mr. Right Now.

So dive into your dating adventures, secure in the life lessons you’ve learned. You may still lose your footing, but you’re older and wiser now. Just don’t lose the lesson.

Check in tomorrow to read the straight woman’s perspective by Rebecca Brown.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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