Co-Ed Cougar, Part 3


By: The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I’m a thirty-nine-year old female who’s separated and just starting to get on with my life. I recently started college and for the most part, I’m enjoying it. I have a couple of classes with the younger crowd and a couple of young men have hit on me. Although this is flattering, I know they just want to have sex. That doesn’t bother me because I don’t want a relationship right now, but I wouldn’t mind having some fun. The problem is that since I’m coming out of a long-term relationship, I don’t know how to go about it or what to do, and I have insecurities about being intimate with somebody younger. Any advice on how to get something going?—VP

   The straight woman’s perspective: Rebecca Brown

Don’t you just love that hopeful feeling of going back to school? On the first day of every new school year, I used to wish for a cute transfer student from another state or school district to show up in one of my classes—preferably someone that had to be held back a few grades (bless his heart) so his muscles would be extra ripple-y and his voice extra deep.

Guess what? You’re the new kid, VP. And yes, you’re slightly older than your classmates (and no doubt smarter than my eleventh grade fantasy since you were actually admitted to college), but you can bet that’s exactly what’s intriguing to these guys. As an older woman, you’re probably a lot more interesting than the women they’re out beer-bonging with every night. You’ve experienced real life outside of a college campus. You’re probably long past (most of) the awkwardness of your twenties and early thirties; you’re confident and have opinions and ideas. Who can blame them for wanting to have sex with you?

So how do you get back into it? For starters, when they hit on you, I’m assuming they’re asking you to have a drink or do something social. If so, it’s pretty simple: just smile and say yes. Then tell them where you’d like to meet for said drink, making sure it’s a place that will make you and your thirty-nine-year-old self feel comfortable. (Not at a house party where they serve keg beer on a deck made of rotting wood that could collapse at any moment.) Don’t worry about the sex so much and just have fun being admired and pursued. If you enjoy talking and flirting, maybe make out, possibly even let someone graze a boob. What’s the harm? You’re getting divorced, for god’s sake—you deserve to have a little fun! Consider these young’uns good practice for flirting, dating, and being intimate with all the future Someone Specials you may actually want to get serious with later on.

Don’t rule anyone out, though—you never know what could happen. You might find an Ashton to match your Demi.

Check in tomorrow to read the gay man’s perspective by Darren Maddox.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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