Conquering Long Distance, Part 2


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

Recently, I broke up with a guy that I’d been dating for three months, but I’ve known him for six years. I am deeply in love with him, and we only broke up because we had to move away from each other because of jobs. We now live over two hours away from each other. I still can’t seem to date anyone else and neither can he. He doesn’t say that he doesn’t love me, but he told me he won’t say it because last time he said it, he got hurt. We see each other every other weekend, which has been fine, but today he informed me that he’s moving even further away—four hours!—which will make it harder on us since we won’t be able to see each other as often. Should I wait it out and see if something happens because I do love him, or should I try really hard to find someone new?—BH

Rebecca    The straight woman’s perspective: Rebecca Brown

I wish I was one of those hopeless romantics that would tell you that it will all be OK. But I’m not. I’m just bitter old me, packin’ my unfiltered Marlboro Reds, a shot of Maker’s and my advice, which you probably won’t like, but here goes.

There’s more to a successful relationship than just love—you also have to consider things like timing and geography. And in long-distance relationships, you need to have a plan, which might be something like this: We’re going to date for (insert the time limit of your choice here) and see how it goes. At that point, we’ll see how we feel and how it’s working. If we decide to keep going, we need to figure out what steps to take to be in the same place, wherever that may be.

Maybe the first step is to talk to your guy about creating a plan. Discuss how often you’d like to see each other and how the effort will be divided. How will you split up the traveling? Will you date other people while you’re apart or will you be exclusive?

It concerns me that you say you’re deeply in love with him, but he hasn’t admitted to having those feelings for you. I still think you should talk about a plan, but be prepared to be met with some beating around the bush. If he doesn’t jump at the opportunity to figure out how to make it work, don’t wait around for him. But don’t necessarily “try really hard” to find someone new, just for the sake of having someone. Just keep your heart open, and let the universe work its magic. Love will find you; you just gotta have faith. That’s what George Michael says anyway.

Check in tomorrow for the straight man's perspective by Chris Kennedy.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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