Coveting a Coworker, Part 3


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I’ve got a huge crush on a guy I work with. I think he’s interested in me too because whenever we talk, our conversations are very flirty and we email and IM about random funny stuff throughout the day. I’ve told a couple of friends about my crush and they’re split 50/50 on whether or not I should pursue something with him since we work together. My argument is that I spend so much time at work, where else am I going to meet people? Besides, if you go on a date with someone, you only get to see their “date” personality, not what he’s really like. This guy seems to be the full package: hot, smart, funny, nice, and of course, gainfully employed. What do you guys think?—EM

Rebecca    The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer
I have several suggestions, yet I wonder how ready you are to hear them.

If you want to continue your office flirtation, here are a few points to consider: Can you handle working in the same space with him if things go sour? Has he been involved in office romances before? Can you withstand all the office gossip and co-workers knowing the intimate details of your dates? If you’re serious about being a professional, you won’t go far in your company if the word in the office is you did “xyz” in bed with so-and-so last night.

It is a plus that you’ve gone beyond his “date personality”—but you only know his “office personality.” And I don’t know about you, but I’m quite different at home than I am at work. You really have no idea who this guy is outside the office. In fact, all you know for sure is that he’s a good flirter and is gainfully employed.

EM, you need to have a life outside of work. If you have nothing going on outside of the office, you’re not only limiting your dating pool, you’re limiting your life. If you want to meet interesting guys, you have to have passions and interests of your own. So join a belly dancing class, learn to knit, take an exercise class. It doesn’t really matter what you do; simply choose something that catches your interest. Once you are engaged in life, you will meet engaging men.

Check in tomorrow to read the straight man's perspective by Chris Kennedy.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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