Dating: Premature Facebooking, Part 3


By: The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way
About three months ago, a man I really like ended our six-month relationship. Aside from all the normal bad stuff that comes with a breakup, I also had to deal with the stupid detail of us being friends on Facebook. This may not sound like a big deal, but for a while, whenever I logged on and saw that he’d gotten a new friend who was female, or had exchanged wall correspondence with any woman I didn’t know, it drove me nuts. Like many people, I’m on Facebook all the time, and I just didn’t want to know all those things about him—it made my head spin wondering who those women were and it hurt too much. Now that I’m casually dating again, I’ve been getting Facebook invitations from some of the guys I’ve been on one and two dates with—guys I barely know. I do like a couple of them and want to go out with them again, but I’m just feeling cautious about accepting friend invitations too soon. Any advice for how to handle this graciously?—RK

  The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox

Don’t you just love it when you run into the little things like this that bug the crap out of you? But let’s not forget this is your Facebook account! You don’t have to justify anything you do and you can take people off or leave them on as much as your little heart desires. You can also give someone limited access to your profile, allowing him to see only a portion of your account. Or if you want to remove someone completely, simply find him in your friends list, scroll all the way down, and hit the “Remove from Friends” link. Door closed. Now you don’t have to see what cheap, two-bit floozy has joined his merry little band of bimbos anymore.

You do bring up a good point with your question, though. Social media is a rapidly growing presence in our lives, and it’s hard to know what to do or not do when someone asks you to be a friend on Facebook and you’re just not that into it. It’s a case-by-case decision, of course, but just know that you are not going to be stuck with some casual Joe if you don’t want to be. You can always accept someone today on a limited basis and remove him later.

Check back tomorrow for the straight man's perspective by Chris Kennedy. 

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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