Dating the Ex’s Friend, Part 3


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I just broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago. Honestly, the relationship had been over for a while, so by the time the breakup actually went down, it was pretty friendly; we still talk all the time. She’s got a friend I’ve always found really attractive, and recently the friend mentioned to my ex-girlfriend that she’s interested in me too. My ex says she’s okay with it if we go out, but a couple of my girl friends tell me that I shouldn’t even consider asking her out, no matter what my ex-girlfriend says, so I’m not sure what to do. What do you guys think?—TM

Jody    The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer
It’s funny, lesbians are notorious for dating friends of their exes and exes of their exes. It never quite sits right with me. Let me ask you to answer the following question to see if you’re really ready for this:

What are you most concerned about here?

A) Protecting yourself
B) Ruining the friendship between the two girls
C) Having them compare notes on you and how you kiss
D) All of the above

If you selected D, congratulations—that’s the correct answer! Let’s review all the answers in reverse order.

C) If you think that they won’t talk about you, you’re wrong. It will come up, I promise. They may discuss your assets, but I’m guessing they will spend more time talking about your ass and other intimate info.

B) You ended it with your ex. I don’t care how buddy-buddy you are with her now, unless she’s super evolved, she’ll feel badly that she couldn’t make it work with you and that her friend may be able to. It’s very likely that you dating this other girl will affect the quality of their friendship.

A) She may say she’s okay with it—and I do like to take people at their word—but I find myself siding with your other girl friends here. You may lose your friendship with your ex over this, which could upset her friend … which may lead to the friend breaking things off with you.

Your decision may come back to bite you in the ass. If you value her friendship, which it seems like you do, look elsewhere for some lovin’.

Check in tomorrow to read the straight man's perspective by Chris Kennedy.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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