by The 4-Way Panel
I am an Asian-American woman who has encountered a lot of guys who have “orifechi” (from Oriental fetish). What gives? When I confront them with it, they get very pissed off and say it’s just an “aesthetic preference.” I call it bullshit. What do you say, and why does this exist?—NP
The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox
First of all, I say be grateful for all you have! Next, I think while some people do actually have a preference in the type of person they date, others are more evolved and date someone matching their personality preference. The tone of your question makes me wonder if you meant to say you think men with orifechi (which I must say I say is a new term for me) are actually dating you because they view women of Asian descent as generally submissive based on stereotypes. You, however, don’t seem to fall anywhere near this category, hence your frustration.
While you’re looking for someone who can appreciate you for what you have to offer, don’t forget that you’re also secretly examining what these men can or cannot bring to your own life. Orifechi aside, when you find the person who loves every part of you, it simply won’t matter that you’re Asian, though it might be an added bonus to him. But I encourage you to test your theory and get this out of your system. Meet a variety of guys from a variety of backgrounds. Is orifechi a universal diagnosis or is it localized? Then write back to us and tell us about your findings. I would love to hear more about what you discover.
Check in tomorrow to read the straight woman's perspective by Rebecca Brown.
The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at firstname.lastname@example.org. To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.
by The 4-Way Panel