From Molasses to Momentum


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I’ve recently met someone of interest, but I swear he is Mr. Molasses. He takes a very long time to return calls or initiate something. But when we are together, we have a great time—conversation is great, we are attracted to each other, and there is definite interest in continuing to do things together. However, it’s been more than two months that we’ve been going on dates, and we are still in the kiss goodnight and see you next time phase. We speak or email once or twice per week, but there is no momentum to get to the next phase … whatever that may be with us. On the one hand, he seems like definite relationship potential, but on the other hand, I’m not sure if I should just consider him eternally casual and not serious. Are we just getting slower to action in our early 40s, or should I mix it up and start seeing other people?—AG

Darren    The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox 

To quote the great voice on high, Chaka Khan, I feel for you! I detest those relationships where everything is perfect when you’re around each other, yet you dread the end of the date so much you have a pit in your stomach knowing the rerun from last week will happen again this week. How are you ending your dates anyway? Are you kissing him or is he kissing you? Take some control of the situation. Maybe he’s shy. Maybe he doesn’t know what to do or know what you want. Show him! Don’t freak him out by telling him you want to knit baby booties and settle down on a moose farm in Montana, just let him know you’re happy with him and wouldn’t mind taking it a little further. See how he reacts. Look at him like he’s your car. When he’s in neutral, he’s not really serving much of a purpose. But if you grab the gear shift and move it in the right direction, it treats you oh-so-well and gets you exactly where you need to go. Just don’t forget that there are new models rolling off the assembly line every day. If you feel like he’s ready for a trade in, go shopping.

Check in tomorrow to read the straight woman's perspective by Rebecca Brown.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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