From Molasses to Momentum, Part 4


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I’ve recently met someone of interest, but I swear he is Mr. Molasses. He takes a very long time to return calls or initiate something. But when we are together, we have a great time—conversation is great, we are attracted to each other, and there is definite interest in continuing to do things together. However, it’s been more than two months that we’ve been going on dates, and we are still in the kiss goodnight and see you next time phase. We speak or email once or twice per week, but there is no momentum to get to the next phase … whatever that may be with us. On the one hand, he seems like definite relationship potential, but on the other hand, I’m not sure if I should just consider him eternally casual and not serious. Are we just getting slower to action in our early 40s, or should I mix it up and start seeing other people?—AG

Jody    The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer

If you’re at a restaurant and order a meal that includes a soup, sandwich and a dessert, and you only get a glass of water and some crackers, what do you do? You check to make sure you put your order in correctly and then you ask for what you ordered. I’m wondering if you knew what you wanted, but forgot to place your order. Or maybe there is a backlog of orders in the kitchen?

Have you spoken with the guy about moving forward? And why is all the impetus on him to move it forward? Why can’t you kiss him and step up the momentum? I’m also wondering what qualifies him as relationship potential. Is it his lack of initiative? It’s great that you talk well and that there’s an attraction there, but if neither of you has even ventured toward more after two months, then this sounds more like friendship material than anything else.

The other possibility is that he’s already seeing someone and can’t feed the both of you. But you won’t know that unless you begin the conversation. So I’d start by placing your order and making a move, maybe even a bold move. Heck, skip the main course and go right to the dessert with him. You know, feed him something sweet, with a cherry on top. If he doesn’t go for it, maybe he’s not a cherry lovin’ guy—as in, he’s gay. If not, you should be hungry enough by now to look around at some of the other daily specials that may whet your appetite.

Check in next week for another Q&A series with The 4-Way.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

Show Comments ()

Related Articles


Follow Us On