Gaydar Love


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I think the guy I’m dating might be gay, or possibly bisexual. We’ve been dating for about two-and-a-half months and we’ve never had sex. We’ve never done anything but kiss. At first I thought he was just being gentlemanly, but now I wonder if it’s because he doesn’t know he’s into guys yet. I’m trying not to let myself be influenced by the stereotypes of gay men, but now that my friends are starting to meet him (and I have a few gay male friends), they all say he seems gay too. We have a great time together and he’s really nice, funny, smart and sweet, but the physical part just doesn’t seem to be there, at least for him. Should I ask him if he’s gay? Or end it? The only problem is, I like him and I don’t want to end it. Please help.—JG

Darren    The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox

Well, JG, you’ve come to the right source. Let’s review and you tell me if this makes sense to you: You think he might be bi, yet even as a “bi” man he has yet to make the first move on you after almost three months. Suspicious indeed, unless he’s a man of the cloth or a Boy Scout. Could he be gay? Your friends who meet him think he’s gay and his favorite colors are lavender and periwinkle. (OK, I made that part up.)

Here’s what I suggest. Grab his iPod or his CD collection and start looking. Do you see Cher? Is there a Madonna overload in there? God forbid he has the new Britney album (which is a masterpiece, by the way) or Anastasia. Next, what does he drink? Cosmos? He’s gay! No straight man I’ve ever met would be caught drinking a Cosmopolitan in public. Those are all dead ringers that you’re dating a queen in my book, and it gives your free reign to say something like, “Is there something you need to tell me?”

You say the physical part just doesn’t seem to be there for him. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe he just wants a new friend. Bottom line here is chances are your gut is not steering you in the wrong direction. In either case, all kidding aside, I think you may crush his ego if he’s not gay and you question his masculinity. Tread lightly.

Check in tomorrow to read the straight woman's perspective by Rebecca Brown.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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