Gaydar Love, Part 2


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I think the guy I’m dating might be gay, or possibly bisexual. We’ve been dating for about two-and-a-half months and we’ve never had sex. We’ve never done anything but kiss. At first I thought he was just being gentlemanly, but now I wonder if it’s because he doesn’t know he’s into guys yet. I’m trying not to let myself be influenced by the stereotypes of gay men, but now that my friends are starting to meet him (and I have a few gay male friends), they all say he seems gay too. We have a great time together and he’s really nice, funny, smart and sweet, but the physical part just doesn’t seem to be there, at least for him. Should I ask him if he’s gay? Or end it? The only problem is, I like him and I don’t want to end it. Please help.—JG

Rebecca    The straight woman’s perspective: Rebecca Brown

There are a few questions in our culture that can really put the kibosh on an ego and a relationship in one fell swoop. “Is it in yet?” “Is that your real hair or are those plugs?” And now, “Are you gay?” You’re quite the wordsmith, JG.

I’m a little confused. You think he’s gay … but you like him? It would seem that the behavior he’s exhibiting to make you think he’s gay would be the very behavior that would also turn you off. Talk of handbags, peep-toe pumps and cucumber facial masks has never gotten me all hot and bothered, but that’s just me.

If you’re attracted to him and you want to take the physical part further, why don’t you just make a move? You don’t have to wait for him. As I’ve said before, it’s not 1956; it’s perfectly acceptable for you to make the first move, or at least try. If your hand gets batted away, it’s time to have a talk. Tell him that you like him, that you’re interested in getting a little more physical. Ask him if that’s something he’s interested in doing too. But for the love of Dolce and Gabbana, don’t ask him if he’s gay, woman, and don’t end it without talking to him about how you feel. If he’s as fantastic as you say, he at least deserves a chance to talk it through with you.

Check in tomorrow for the straight man's perspective by Chris Kennedy.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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