Is My Boyfriend's Mom Hitting On Me?, Part 4


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I think my boyfriend’s mom might be hitting on me. She’s single and modern, but not openly dating women. However, I notice that every time I’m in her company, she goes out of her way to give me a back rub, or say something cute about my breasts. I think it would horrify my boyfriend if I suggested such a preposterous idea, but it’s really getting to the point where I dread time that I have to be in her presence. I don’t want to assume wrongly, but I’m not sure how to be graceful about the situation, either.—SV

Chris    The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy 
Mama Mia, I got a problem with how this woman is acting. So, SV, does Ms. Robinson make it a point to say this stuff to you when her boy’s not around? Because if that’s the case, things are even worse.
I hope you have a good enough relationship with your boyfriend to say something like, “Oh my gosh, your mom mentioned she liked my breasts. And the other day she gave me a back rub, what’s the deal? Is she usually like this or what?” You’re simply relaying her actions, not judging them. Let him judge them and decide the best action to take. He knows her better than you. Maybe this is her MMO: Mother’s Modus Operandi.
Let’s be clear, you mentioning this to him is not what’s horrifying, his mother’s behavior is. Cut to the Good Will Hunting scene where Robin Williams’ character repeatedly says to Matt Damon’s character, “It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.” Damon’s character weeps. (Didn’t we all?)
Anyway, you’re understandably uncomfortable, and your boyfriend’s mom needs to stop her inappropriate behavior.
There’s an interesting gender thing going on here too. If it were your boyfriend’s dad, it would clearly be wrong because he’s a man commenting on your breasts and that’s creepy. You probably wouldn’t be as hesitant to say something about it. There’s something more forgivable in a woman saying it, right? Less threatening perhaps, but not really. It’s unacceptable for either gender and you gotta say something to your boyfriend.
Mama Mia better change her ways before she becomes Mama See Ya.
Check in next week for another Q&A series with The 4-Way.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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