by The 4-Way Panel
I’ve been dating someone now for about three months whom I really like. He seems like the kind of guy that I could get even more serious with. But there’s one problem: He’s uncircumcised. I’ve only been with circumcised men, and I hate to say this, but I’m kind of disgusted at the sight of his penis. It doesn’t feel different inside me, but I’m really into oral sex and it just turns me off. I’ve had less of a desire to be with him intimately lately, and I’m worried that this is the beginning of the end. What should I do?—NS
The straight woman’s perspective: Rebecca Brown
No offense to anyone or their genitalia, but all things considered, most penises aren’t gonna win any beauty contests. (Nor will most vaginas for that matter—sorry, Eve Ensler.) I bet if you were honest with yourself, you’d remember that your reaction to the very first big, hard shlong you saw was, “ewww.” But then you saw one outside of health class for the first time, and you realized that that veiny-looking thing could actually do you some very pleasurable favors and eventually, you got used to the way it looked. It’s kind of like stepping into someone’s house that has a specific smell; after a little while, you don’t even notice the smell anymore.
But after three months, I would think you’d be used to it by now and over the worst part of your disgust—if it’s possible to get over. I’d like to tell you to talk to him about your concerns, or suck it up and educate yourself a little by doing some reading on how, if a man keeps himself clean, a little skin shouldn’t be cause for worry. But something tells me given your strong words that no matter how clean that thing is, your mind is already made up.
I wish I could in good conscience tell you to just break up with him over something lame and not give him the real reason, because I think the real reason is going to be hard to hear. But that’s just cruel, and if this is someone even slightly special, he deserves to know at least a watered down and easier-to-digest version of the truth. Tell him you think he’s great, but that you just don’t think the physical chemistry is there. That’s not a lie, but at least you’re not telling him that you think his dick is heinous—I don’t think he’d ever get over that. Find yourself a man you’re physically attracted to—in every way. (That should make for some fun research.)
Check in tomorrow for the straight man's perspective by Chris Kennedy.
The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at email@example.com. To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.
by The 4-Way Panel