It’s Not the Size of the Boat, Part 4


By: The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

My boyfriend has a tiny penis. I’m talking like maybe three inches tiny—and that’s when it’s hard. The sex isn’t bad, but it’s not great either. I know that this shouldn’t bother me, but for some reason it does. We have oral sex pretty much every day—sometimes twice—which makes me think he’s aware of this problem and wants to try to please me in different ways. The problem is that I’m so hung up on his smallness that I can’t concentrate anymore, and I rarely come from anything. Do other people have dicks this small? We haven’t been dating that long, and I’m not sure he’s Mr. Right, so I’m considering breaking up with him since the sex is so average. That makes me feel a little shallow, though. What do you guys think about all this?—VW

darren    The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox

Well, you often hear it’s not the size of the wand as much as the magic that comes from it. Let’s break this down. He’s got a three-incher, he’s likely very aware of that fact so there’s no need to bring it up to him. Next, although you may not consider yourself a size queen, you do have a touch of it in you or this issue never would have surfaced. If the sex isn’t bad, but it isn’t good, what is it about him that’s encouraging you to stay? What’s he like outside the bedroom? If you answered that he’s a great person and the only thing missing is a few extra inches, I think you should focus on what he has rather than what he is missing. Penises come in all shapes and sizes, sunshine. You just happen to have landed on one that falls short of your expectations. I noticed that you mention nothing about the guy that you actually like here, you just seem more hung up on him not being hung. If you want to go the distance with this guy, get a Kama Sutra book and learn together how to use what he has. It could be a great adventure for you both.

Check in next week for another Q&A series with The 4-Way.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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