Jack Sparrow, Still Hazy After All These Years


Sent From: Murphy Hooker’s Wireless Handheld Device (7:28 p.m.) 5/21/2007

Shiver me timbers* film nerds and nerdettes … someone alert the media. I’ve finally succumbed to the vile tractor beam of the Hollywood Death Star and will soon join members of the Dark Side in the mass drinking of a loving cup of Blockbuster Kool Aid … a big one. This week: a sneak peek of Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World’s End. At last, a gigantoid Dr. Pepper, a mountain of yellow lacquered popcorn and a pound of cine-maniacal Hot Tamales!

I know what you film snots are thinking: “What-in-the-name-of-all-that-is-holy is our Indy Filmwalker doing following the lemmings down to the Disney Summer Grotto?” As my pruned fingers type into the muted flicker of this rented Crackberry, l can assure you, I haven’t gone mad … I … just love pirate movies. But, how could Poppa MRF slag on the USS Spidertanic and his little buddy, Shrek 3, then buckle his swash to the likes of Jerry Bruckheimer and the ghost of Don Simpson?? I said I love pirate movies, so I’m cannon balling off the plank headfirst. Take a picture; it’ll last longer …

photo courtesy of Disney

Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At Wit's End

Admit it, there is something deliciously zeitgeist about witnessing the unveiling of the latest CGI spectacular by high-concept schlockmeister Jerry Bruckheimer (Bad Boys, The Rock). Coupled with the fact beatnik rebel legend Johnny Depp gets carte-blanche to peacock through the picture as Punk Rock Captain Jack Sparrow, the POTC3 spectacular is, in my humble opinion, a must see for scallywag cinephiles, fans of 21 Jump Street … or salty dogs with eye patches.

As for the plot?? Um … er … that’s just about all the time we have today at Hooker’s Reel, just have fun…I said, have fun! Until next time, this is Dread Pirate Hooker signing off … be bad and get into trouble, baby.*

“Hip Happenings” Round Town
•    (5/25-5/27) – Clue (1985), Dir. Lynn – Clay (Midnight Shows!)

Midnight Maniacs Triple Feature (5/25) – Castro
•    Gremlins (1984), Dir. Dante
•    Howard the Duck (1986), Dir. Huyck
•    Troll 2 (1990), Dir. Fragasso

Volume 11 Footnotes
•    “Shiver me timbers.” – Treasure Island (1883): Long John Silver about 50,000 times in Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic adventure tale.
•    “Let’s get into trouble, baby.” – Tapeheads (1988): Soul Train host Don Cornelius (as Hollywood Producer Mo Fuzz) to upstart filmmakers Tim Robbins and John Cusack.

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