Even the most confident people I know have doubts (and advice, too) about sexual performance and/or overall general sexiness. Just so you know, you’re not alone.

Here’s what I’ve heard recently:

“I was going down on this woman once, and she commented that I have a lot of suits. Clearly, I wasn’t doing it for her.” —Robert, 36, Pacific Heights

“I feel like I’m always doing the crab walk, walking sideways to the bathroom so he won’t stare at my behind.”—Melissa, 32, Mission

“To give a successful BJ, three of the most important factors are technique, enthusiasm and how your partner looks while she’s doing it, but I think the most important is enthusiasm. You definitely can’t fake passion, and it’s the biggest turn-on when a woman is really into it.”—Jared, 32, SOMA

And while we’re on that topic, here’s what my friend Mike, 34 and living in the Financial District, told me: “Bad BJs can be the worst. All women know that BJs are what men spend inordinate amounts of time fantasizing about, so to have to tell a girl to stop while in mid-BJ can often bring the hook-up to a grinding halt.

In rare cases, however, the gal might reply, ‘Oh, you know you love it’ and insist on continuing to ‘pleasure’ you. After all, she’s well aware that guys love their BJs. She is unaware though, that your strongest desires have in fact turned into a painful or, at best, indifferent moment.”

Ouch. In more ways than one …

Turnabout’s fair play: “When a guy is performing oral sex on a woman, he can’t make his tongue too stiff. A guy has to loosen it up and change the pressure, activity and motion regularly.”—Sunny Lane, 20-something porn star.

My mom has always told me (OK, not about sex, per se, but it’s still apropos) that no one can argue with you about your feelings. If you’re relaxed and feeling it in a good way, you and your partner will get way more out of sex and each other.

xxx
e

Listen to Sex with Emily at sexwithemily.com.