Skip to Navigation Skip to Content

In matters of the heart, do friends know best?

We ask friends for advice but do we listen? They say love is blind.  If that’s the case aren’t we blind to advice as well?

I’ve spent countless hours with friend’s analyzing relationships.  Often, it’s crystal clear to me she needs to dump him. Sometimes we discuss this same guy for months, week, years. The same issues, But nothing happens. Until it does happen and it’s not usually because of anything I’ve said.

I often think, all this time we’ve spent analyzing we could’ve certainly solved something important about something important in the world .

The thing is, no one knows what happens when you’re together. They don’t see the rose petals on bed, foot rubs, the pet names.

We go to experts for legal, business and gardening advice but usually friends for matters the heart.

I’m not so sure therapists are the best, because only our friends were at the restaurant when he got plastered and insisted on twirling the waitress and doing the box step.

No  matter how many hours I’ve spent in this conversation with my friend, “so he cheated, lied, stole your credit card and drinks too much,  what else does he need to do, throw knives at your head” they never end it until they’re ready, Inevitably its for the reasons we had talked about but I’d never say I told you so.

Do friends know best?  I asked 3 San Franciscans: 

Carmen, Russian Hill 25
“the BFF always knows best. You never want to hear it at the time because fools in love tend to put up the blinders, but the BFF is always right. Even if you don’t like their taste.”

Jack, 32, SOMA
“ I hate to say it but I think the friends usually do know best - usually...but are you really going to make your decision based on your friend's input and save yourself heartache? The thought of breaking off a shot at love because of an outsider's view (have they seen your partner naked? no!) is mortifying.”


Stacy, 34, Noe Valley
“Some people take their friends advice too much to heart and should follow their own heart.  I think no one can know what goes on inside your relationship”