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No on (Fake) O

I’ve never met a woman who hasn’t faked an orgasm.

Even that one time, when she was really tired/bloated/buzzed. I know this because we tend to bond over these things from time to time.

Not because we’re particularly proud or excited, but it’s sort of a given: We have bad hair days and faked orgasm days.

I had a guest on my show who said she got into faking multiple orgasms for one guy and could never go back to faking a single orgasm.

“Well, after faking the multiple, I thought he’d be offended if I had only one. Eventually, I was just wiped out, and our sex life suffered all around,” said Jane, 36.

At that moment, I committed to never faking it again and asked listeners to do the same. I vowed to put a “No on O” proposition on the ballot; we have legislation for everything else in SF, so why not this?

Faking it really is a major issue for everyone.

For women, it’s bad both on an individual and global level. It’s a disservice to women everywhere when they fake it; they perpetuate the belief that more women achieve orgasm during intercourse (when it’s really only about 30 percent of women who do). And they’re sort of screwed for the future: If you fake it once, well, what happens the next time around?

I’m not saying sex is all about the orgasm, but it should be about being true (to yourself and your lover) and gaining pleasure. When you fake it, you’re decreasing the chances for either.

Bottom line, and I can’t say it enough, women need to know what pleases themselves before anyone else can. Take time to get to know how you orgasm and what works for you.

Check out my Sex with Emily podcast about orgasms.