Mr. Indecision


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I met a guy about two months ago who was just getting out of a marriage and had only been separated for about four months. He assured me that he had worked through his feelings over his failed marriage, so we charged forward. We moved very fast and were inseparable up until about two weeks ago ... when his wife decided she wanted him back. I was blown away; I’d seen this coming and totally ignored it. My heart is in shreds and my nerves are shot. He can’t make up his mind, but he still wants to see me. But this woman left him after jerking him around for two years—what’s to go back to? He says he hasn’t been physical with her, but since he’s not been completely honest with me lately, I’m not really sure. In fact, I don’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth, but I want to hold onto him for reasons I’m not entirely sure I understand. Please help.—NS

Darren    The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox 
Take the guy and his wife out of the situation. Are you getting what you think you deserve out of this relationship? If not, suck it up and move on, already! For the love of God, it’s only been a few months and you’re already riddled with drama here. This is supposed to be the “getting to know you” phase of the relationship. Be happy that you’re starting to know better than to date this one.

Here’s the thing, muffin, you say he can’t make up his mind, but he still wants to see you. OF COURSE HE DOES! What man wouldn’t? Does his ex wife know that he still wants to see you? I’ll go out on a limb and say HELL NO SHE DOESN’T! As I always say, your gut doesn’t lie. If you think he isn’t being completely honest with you lately, then you’re probably right. You even went as far as to say you “don’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth.” The only reason you want to hang onto this one is because you haven’t found your other side of the pillow yet. And you won’t as long as you’re hung up on this loser. Sorry to be so harsh on the tough love here, but come on, you know what’s right and what’s not. You need to tell him bluntly that you don’t think this is going to work out because he’s clearly not worked through the feelings he has for his ex wife. Then walk away, don’t look back, and rest easy that you made the right decision. Life is short. The dating pool is deep. Dive in, already!
Check in tomorrow to read the straight woman's perspective by Rebecca Brown.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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