Once Committed, Twice as Sexy


The best new pick-up line around town may just be: “I’m divorced.”

photo by Julia Galdo

On Wednesday, I blogged about the rise in casual sex in San Francisco and heard from many of you about your sexual exploits (thanks for sharing and please keep them coming!), and I noticed an interesting trend: People who’ve been married or in serious committed relationships were more likely to be open to and enjoying casual sex.

“I've been divorced for about eight months, and I've had more sex in that time
than in all the years before I met my ex-wife. There are a lot of single women in
San Francisco and—news flash—they like sex. And they like men who are good
at it, and who are decent guys to be around when they're not having sex. This is
a beautiful city with beautiful people, and I can't think of any place I'd rather
be than single in SF.” —John, 37 works in the Financial District

So that’s one skeleton you can shake off, because it seems the once-committed man or woman has just upped his or her eligibility quotient.

I emailed John back to find out more. Have times changed, I asked. Are women more open here? What’s the deal? And he replied:

“In my case, a lot of younger single women seem to be interested in the fact that
I've learned a lot from a failed marriage. I know what's important and what's not,
how to treat someone (i.e., work on your listening skills), and most important,
I know how to be myself. You'd be amazed at how much sex appeal women
find in a man who is comfortable in his own skin. Or who looks her in
the eye and actually hears what she is saying.”

Another divorced woman wrote:

“After getting out of an eight-year sexless marriage, I’m having the best sex
of my life and will never settle for mediocre sex again. I’m finding more men
open to experimenting and playing, which is perfect for where I am right now.
I’ve already done the marriage thing, and now I’m doing
the sex thing.”—35, Samantha, Noe Valley

Funny to think that divorce may actually be a resume builder. It’s a word that typically conveys more negative connotations than not, but it may also give some single people reason to hope by thinking: “He’s committed once, so he can do it again,” “she really knows what love means,” “his ex was psycho, but I’m so normal maybe he’ll pick me this time,” or “she just needed a real man.”

What’s your experience been? Have you dated or are you dating someone who’s divorced? Of if you’re divorced, how’s that sex life treating you?

Email me at feedback@sexwithemily.com.


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