Recovering from First Date Sex, Part 3


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I recently went out with a man I met online. We met for a drink first, and we hit it off, so we decided to extend our date and go to dinner too. We had a great connection and we made each other laugh. I was also very attracted to him physically, and I could tell that he felt the same about me. We ended up back at my house for a glass of wine, and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, so we slept together. On the first date! I really like this guy and I’m worried that sleeping with him means it’s over, that this relationship will go nowhere. Do you think there’s a chance it can work?—BG

    The straight man's perspective: Chris Kennedy

There’s a chance your quickie relationship can work, but there’s more of a chance it won’t. I don’t think you blew it—if he wants more, he’ll be back. How can we know his sincerity? Only time will tell.

As for you, do you regret sleeping with him? Or do you regret sleeping with him only if he doesn’t call you back? Hopefully, your decision to sleep with him did not have the agenda of keeping him interested, because let’s just say that doesn’t usually work out so well in the long run. If you’re someone who acts on her impulses and is okay with that, then sleeping with him isn’t the big issue here.

I don’t think the relationship’s potential is affected by the fact you slept with him on the first date, or the tenth. If he likes you and your chemistry holds him, then the relationship will continue. I’m not trying to minimize the sex, but that isn’t enough to tip the scale of his interest one way or another. If sex is all he was after, then you’ll know that pretty soon. Be safe and continue to date. That’s the only way to know.

But be prepared for him not to come back for another reason. I’ve noticed there seems to be a symptom of online dating: the cybergrass is always greener. A whole plethora of potential dates are popping up on searches, so it’s easy to believe that even when you have a good thing, there’s someone else even better out there. Too many choices is sometimes a bad thing.

In the meantime, ask yourself: what do you want out of the relationship? More sex? More than sex? A boyfriend? A husband? Do you know? Take some time to think about what you want before you worry so much about what he wants. It might behoove you to take it slow here … in more ways than one.
Check in tomorrow to read the gay woman's perspective by Jody Fischer.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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