Sober Sex?


I’ve found that almost no one can with all honesty answer "yes" to this question: Have you ever hooked up with someone for the first time while stone-cold sober?

The first kiss, grope or dirty text is more often than not preceded by a good, stiff drink.

photography by Joseph Jean Rolland Dubé

Just this week, I heard these tales:

I met a cute couple, Stacey and Kyle, both 28 and living in the Marina. They were cute, cuddly and basically all over each other, so I had to ask, “How did you meet?" They told me they met at Balboa Cafe. Kyle had been staring at Stacey for quite a while, telling his buddy how badly he wanted to talk to her. Sure enough, once Kyle “took down a couple shots,” he was finally able to muster up the courage to go talk to her.

It used to be you actually had to make the phone call to show interest. But now with a few cocktails and your Blackberry, you can do wonders.
Jenna, 33, living in Pacific Heights, told me about one tipsy night that led her to text her crush.  Her “sexually explicit” texts, as she described them, left her feeling “embarrassed, but hoping for a stimulating reply.” Sure enough, the next night she received an equally provocative text that led to a date with the object of her affection.

Brett, 36, single and living in Bernal Heights, called me yesterday to say that he’d just received his first “punani” pic via email. “Directly? Without solicitation? Are you sure it wasn’t spam?” I asked him.

He confided that while he was home drinking after a hard day’s work, he signed on to a dating site replete with Webcams, photos and live sex chat rooms. Once he sorted through the “fake girls” (women who drive men to their personal pay-to-play sites), he found himself chatting with a 24-year-old woman who lives in San Francisco. They got to IMing and, before he knew it, they were exchanging digi-photos and firing up their Webcams for some mutual masturbation.

While I was writing this, Eva, 47, my urban cougar friend, called to tell me about her latest boy toy. I asked her if it was indeed true that most first sexual encounters take place while under the influence.

“Well, that can’t be true," she replied. "Hmmm, well, there was that one guy—we kissed sober once. But okay, the truth is, it’s more playful when you have a few drinks. Different emotions come into play when you have a great buzz going. You’re out of your head and more in the moment.”

However, on Sunday, my friend Cara, 33, from Berkeley, told me she had her first sober kiss because well, he was sober. Cara said it was actually quite nice; she felt really connected and the best part was, she didn't have a hangover the morning after.


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