Strippers and Poles and Lap Dancing, Oh My!


January was major research month for the Sex with Emily show. It began at a HurryDate event and then moved to the stripper pole. I figured this was a logical progression.

So, I went right to the source, the Mitchell Brothers O’Farrell Theatre—the legendary club in San Francisco—to take “dance” lessons from its strippers.

Talented strippers Jasmine and Jersey (pictured here) took me under their wing.

Mitchell Brothers

We got started in the club’s back room. Half-naked dancers walking around, laughing, swapping clothes and gossiping, reminded me of many a man’s fantasy, which is that, when they’re not around, women run around naked and have pillow fights.

My make-up was done in-house. I got the works: false lashes, heavy shadow and lips, so that I’d (sort of) fit in before we headed to the dance floor.

Sure, it’s intimidating when two pros, who happen to be hot and flexible, are teaching me the moves. But they were gracious enough to break it down for me—no advanced, upside-down moves for me on day one.

First, I was told to run up to the pole (in a sexy kind of way, of course), wrap one leg around it and then twist. After a few tries and helpful tips, I actually got the hang of it. They told me I was a natural, but I bet they say that to all the girls.

The next move involved lying on the ground, face down, and shaking your legs in such a way that your entire body jiggles provocatively.

When I tried it, I looked like I was having a minor seizure, but hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day. I was certainly impressed with these gals. It’s not easy to have that kind of confidence and mad skills while prancing around naked in front of a crowd.

Speaking of something requiring mad skills, the O’Farrell Theatre is having its first-ever lap-dancing contest … Come on, I know you want to:

Monday, February 11, 8 p.m.
Women will win prizes ranging from $200 to $500.
Call to register at 415-441-1930. You can also can sign up at the door.
Three men get to be the laps for the ladies and will receive free 7-pack admission cards (worth $280 of O'Farrell admissions each).
Judges from Alice Radio.

Lap Dance Contest

Could be a great warm-up for Valentine’s Day or foreplay for any old day. Have fun.


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