Skip to Navigation Skip to Content

advice

Man's Best Friend or Fiercest Competition?

When my wife comes home, the dog gets a hug, kisses, and baby talk, while I get a peck on the cheek and a no-nonsense attitude. I’m not saying she should toss on an apron and bring me a drink, but can a guy get a little love at the end of a long day?

He Said: First off, drop the dog comparison. Your wife has fewer expectations from Fido.

Ethics Alert: Lying About Birth Control

My best friend, who's 33 and in a stable relationship with a great guy, just told me she sometimes “forgets” to take her birth control pill but isn't telling her boyfriend. She says she'll be fine if she gets pregnant; that she doesn’t need to have the boyfriend involved with raising any child, though she'd hope he would. I'm kind of shocked. Is this common, or is she totally selfish?
 
He Said: Regardless of how common it is to be casual about birth control, if one partner is trusting the other to be honest, and they aren’t, it’s selfish. While life slips us many surprises as we go along, it’s not fair to give happenstance a helping hand when the outcome will affect someone else.

The STD Discussion

At what point do you disclose an STD and how? I have genital herpes and seldom have outbreaks, but I haven't told my boyfriend of three months. We've been through HIV testing, we're monogamous, and I'm on the pill, so we don't use condoms anymore. With the treatments available, I won't likely give it to him, but not telling him seems dishonest.
 

Avoiding a Facebook Stalker

I recently met a guy I'm interested in. We flirted, exchanged numbers, and the next day he friended me on Facebook and I accepted. Then, a week later, I got a friend request from his estranged wife (they are long separated) and from someone who I think is an ex-girlfriend of his. He doesn’t think it’s any big deal, but I’m spooked. Do you think these women are FB stalkers?

Trying to Date an SF Lameboy

I hear a lot about SF guys being unable to commit to a longterm relationship, but I’m having trouble finding one who can simply commit to a date! Whether I meet the guy through friends, while out on the town or online, what I’ve been finding are a lot of men who are GOP (great on paper)—educated, career-minded—but who flake like dandruff. Last Sunday a guy showed up for brunch an hour late, in his workout clothes and covered in sweat (all to "train for a 5k"). Other guys have FOMO (fear of missing out) and never commit to a time or place, just in case something else comes up.  My girlfriends and I sometimes swap and forward these guys’ hilarious messages. Here’s one thread:

Lame-o: "When do I get to see you next?"

Me: "Whenever."

Lame-o: "Well, I can't this weekend. Maybe some other time?"

Me: "Oh, ok."

Lame-o: "Ok, bye."

Any advice on how to find an SF guy who can show up to a real date?

Is it Inappropriate to Throw a Bachelor Party for Your Second Marriage?

My girlfriend and I recently got engaged, and all my guy friends—especially the married ones with kids—are talking about throwing me a bachelor party in Vegas. This is my second marriage, and I feel like it’s inappropriate to throw a (second) big bachelor party. What do you think?

To Threesome or Not to Threesome?

My wife recently asked me if I wanted to have a ménage à trois with her and a girlfriend of hers.  The girlfriend is smoking hot which makes it tempting but the flip side is that this women’s boyfriend wants the same situation with his girlfriend and my wife. My wife and I have been monogamous up till now and she says she’s willing to try this arrangement if I am.

He Said: Everyman's Dream, may I introduce you to Everyman's Nightmare. Wow and ouch. You haven't said how you feel about another man having sex with your wife, so maybe you are still trying the idea on for size to see how it fits. Here are some ideas to mull over while you measure yourself for a suit of amour.

The Oral Sex Scoreboard

Welcome to our new weekly blog of half-truths and educated guesses on love, sex and relationships in San Francisco. Here's a little background on who's dishing the advice:

He is a novelist living in SF who’s had one marriage, two live-in relationships, 10 girlfriends and a very wise therapist.

She is an SF health journalist who’s been married, single, communal, and bi-curious, and has studied tantra and orgasm—for research purposes, of course.

Relationship Advice Redux

Welcome to our new weekly blog of half-truths and educated guesses on love, sex and relationships in SF. Here's who's dishing the advice:

He is a novelist living in SF who’s had one marriage, two live-in relationships, 10 girlfriends and a very wise therapist.

She is an SF health journalist who’s been married, single, communal, and bi-curious, and has studied tantra and orgasm—for research purposes, of course.

Q: Can you recommend any sites that give relationship advice online? Thanks. —Tom in SF

Style How-To: Shop Wisely in the Downturn

Shopping strategies for the new (read: bad) economy abound. Some we can get behind. Others are just silly. Among the more ridiculous notions is the shop your closet trend. We’re willing to wager that, for any item of clothing stuck in the dark depths of a dresser drawer, there’s a reason we forgot the item in the first place. Nor can we quit shopping completely. The economy may have come to a veritable stand-still, but our lives are still moving on. No matter how cinched our budgets become, we still need new items of clothing from time to time.

Daily Newsletters

Essential SF knowledge in your inbox

Subscribe to 7x7
Renew
Give a Gift
FAQ's