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Advice & Anecdotes

Sex with Emily: His and Her Diaries

I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time with friends decoding text messages, deciphering voicemails and dissecting ambiguous conversations.

Women tend to explore relationship scenarios - sometimes ad nauseum.  I get comfort from studies that show women are biologically wired for such conversations, but sometimes I wonder: is this all for naught?

To wit: This was emailed to me recently. While it's a joke and is good for a laugh, is it also true?


In matters of the heart, do friends know best?

We ask friends for advice but do we listen? They say love is blind.  If that’s the case aren’t we blind to advice as well?

I’ve spent countless hours with friend’s analyzing relationships.  Often, it’s crystal clear to me she needs to dump him. Sometimes we discuss this same guy for months, week, years. The same issues, But nothing happens. Until it does happen and it’s not usually because of anything I’ve said.

I often think, all this time we’ve spent analyzing we could’ve certainly solved something important about something important in the world .

The thing is, no one knows what happens when you’re together. They don’t see the rose petals on bed, foot rubs, the pet names.

Getting Lucky in Union Square

Do Italians make better lovers? Are the French more daring? Are Americans oversexed? Are San Franciscans’ proclivities off the charts?
I know, I know, you can’t stereotype a nation. But I’ve always wanted to know: Why do stereotypes exist if not to play with them?
So if you’ve wanted to experiment with international lovers, just head to Union Square. There’s no time like the present to shag a foreigner. The dollar is plunging and the tourists are shopping.
You can spot them juggling Saks and Macy’s and Banana Republic bags and sporting that dreamy look in their eyes that says, “I can’t believe the deal I got on this iPod.”

7 Sexy Things

Bang Bang Variety Hour presents: Menagerie
Saturday, August 2, 10pm (doors open at 9pm)
Kimo's Penthouse Lounge
1351 Polk St.

Check out this performance, which combines cabaret, burlesque and vaudeville. Their promise? That you’ll experience “a crossover between artist and spectator.”

Socks and Sex

So it’s the men in socks killing our sex drive!

A new British survey in the Sun revealed that “one in five couples never have sex” and “more than 44 percent of men keep their socks on while they make love.”

It seems as though the Brits could use some sort of sex challenge as well. 

30-Day Sex Challenge

They say it takes 30 days to form a habit.

I’ve tried this with flossing, putting my keys in the same place at night and returning phone calls before people hate me. Personally, I’ve had a mixed success rate but since sex is such a pitfall in relationships, I don’t mind the much publicized 30-Day Sex Challenge  proposed by a pastor in Florida.

Facebook Stalking Alive and Well in SF

Facebook stalking isn’t just for college freshmen anymore.

Zoe called me early this morning in a panic: “Last night, I had 182 friends on Facebook, this morning only 181.”

Zoe, the sleuthiest friend I’ve got, took only seconds to find out why. An ex-boyfriend had deleted her as a friend. He was still obsessively consumed with her life (and was therefore checking her Facebook page all the time). So, he decided to quit her, cold turkey. A good idea since Zoe’s postings don’t leave much to the imagination. It’s not hard to figure out when she’s got new men in rotation.

Let’s Talk About V-Day

The buzz around Valentine’s Day has begun, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t join in.

Every restaurant, hotel, liquor company, flower shop and sex toy purveyor is doing something about February 14.

Naturally, single people and couples everywhere are also starting their yearly debate and/or downward spiral over V Day:

“What do I get him?” 
“What do I get her?”
“Valentine’s Day matters.”
 “I hate Valentine’s Day.”
“Boxers plastered with hearts are so cliché.”

Wherever you are on the Valentine’s Day spectrum, I suggest you put all the superficial stuff on the back burner and do something about your sex life.

Happy and Married?

I’m always on the lookout for happily married couples, specifically those still having great sex.

I often pray it’s not an oxymoron to be happy and married, though I sometimes have to wonder based on what I'm seeing and hearing. … Some might call me a cynic, but for the record, I do wake up every day hoping that a person can indeed be married and happy.

Last week, I grilled a very much in love couple at the W Hotel, together for nine years and living in SoMa, who shared the reasons why their sex life gets better every year.
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