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Advice & Anecdotes

San Francisco Women

The “typical” San Francisco woman?

I’ve heard them described as independent, snobby, sophisticated, comfortable, smart, flaky, athletic, not as cute but super cool (please don’t not kill the messenger here).

Sure, you’ll find these types in any major metropolis, but in SF they are abundant (especially the independent, cool, smart ones.)

There’s certainly an allure to living in San Francisco, especially when I’ve been traveling to other locales. Lately, I’ve been curious to see what kind of reputation our city has for those living elsewhere.

Hey There, Sailor

You’ve probably put your Halloween costumes away by now. But maybe you can still get some more play out of them.
Wasn’t it kind of fun to be someone sexier, wilder and a bit more adventurous than your everyday self?
Maybe you can find some time for role-playing in the bedroom. This is, of course, assuming you are like most people I know who are bored and less inspired by their sex lives of late.
(Have you seen HBO’s Tell Me You Love Me? I’ll get to that in a future blog, but for now let's just say it hits close to home on many levels for many viewers.)

Am I Getting Warm?

Even the most confident people I know have doubts (and advice, too) about sexual performance and/or overall general sexiness. Just so you know, you’re not alone. Here’s what I’ve heard recently:

“I was going down on this woman once, and she commented that I have a lot of suits. Clearly, I wasn’t doing it for her.”—Robert, 36, Pacific Heights

“I feel like I’m always doing the crab walk, walking sideways to the bathroom so he won’t stare at my behind.”—Melissa, 32, Mission

Good Moaning

I’ve been thinking a lot about noisy sex lately. Not because I can hear my neighbors having sex, but because the volume of noise during sex can send some friends, lovers and certainly neighbors over the edge. Then I read this Yahoo news story about the effects of grunting during exercise, and it got me even more curious about the correlation between noise and good sex. 

High School Sex

Have you had those experiences—in your adulthood—when you’ve felt like you were having high school sex all over again?

Guy gropes breasts for two minutes, sticks his hand down pants for three-and-a-half, and next thing you know, you’re doing it (clothes on floor, panties at your ankles, etc.)

Seems we all get stuck in these sex ruts—like we studied what to do with the breasts, penis, vagina and mouth, and we stopped learning and adding to our repertoire after we graduated from sex ed.

High School Sex
photography by Bill Grove

Juicy Nuggets

If you’ve ever had a face-to-face conversation with me, you know that I’m prone to whipping out my notebook and scribbling madly in it while we talk. I admit that at times I feel bad because, though it may appear that I’m using you as a piece of sex story meat, I am truly listening. It’s just that there are oftentimes so many damn good nuggets in a given conversation that I just can’t help myself.

Juicy Nuggets
Quick—someone get me something to write on.

Bringing Sex Back

Several times a week, I hear something along these lines:

“We never have sex anymore. ... I’m just not that into him/her. ... Do you think we can get our/her/his sex drive back?”

Well, it’s complicated. Did you have it in the beginning? Did you meet someone else? Are you feeling fat, ugly, bored, gay, straight or bitter?

Answers to these questions matter, and not even the best orgasm in the world will help you through some deeper issues. Couples therapy, however, can work miracles.

But let’s assume you’re in a basic run-of-the-mill sex rut—something most couples experience at some point in their relationship.

Sex and Online Dating

What is it with online dating that turns normally cautious women into easy pickins’?

My friend Marnie, 36, recently had the classic online date-turned-one night stand, which ended—how else?—disappointingly. “I had taken a break from online dating,” she told me, “but I was ready to start again. I received a message from a guy who wrote: ‘Hey, I am not giving up. You haven't emailed me back, but I'd like to have coffee or a drink with you.’“

So, she decided to give it a try and sent him a note. He was quick to respond, writing: “I know it sounds like a line, but you have an AMAZING smile, the kind that I would love to bask in.”

Cyber Stalking: Alive and Well in SF

Last week, I received two urgent messages from friends who were experiencing issues discovered via virtual means.

“Emily, you have to call me back, please, today,” said one friend, Katie. I couldn’t tell if she was laughing or crying.

I called her back. Luckily, she was mostly laughing.

“I finally googled Tex (our nickname for her most recent fling who lives in Austin, Texas),” Katie said. “And guess what? The weekend he said he couldn’t make it to SF, he was being crowned Austin’s most eligible bachelor. Plus, they called him a party boy and ladies’ man about town.”

Gay or Happy?

I was asked to be on the “Shake,” America’s LGBT radio show (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, for those of you who just moved to this coast) in San Francisco. Producer Larry called me, said he’d heard of my show and asked if I wanted to come on to talk about sex but with more of a gay focus.

So I started thinking about what I should talk about. Of course, I’ve talked about gay and lesbian sex issues on my show. Lord knows that many of my guy friends have wished that I'd spent more time discussing lesbian issues. But that’s a different blog post.
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