I've been dating a guy for four months, and we’ve had so many ups and downs. He's had issues with substance abuse, and he has a hard time communicating his feelings. He doesn't have patience when I say the wrong things, and he makes a huge deal out of it and yells at me when we try to resolve an issue. I've gone to therapy to see what I can fix, and have learned not to let my negative thoughts get in the way of communicating. But lately he’s been dishonest on top of it all. He went to Hawaii alone, saying he had to clear his head. But I found out on Facebook he met up with his ex-girlfriend there. He blames me for his inability to be honest, saying he was afraid I’d get mad. I feel betrayed and disrespected, and I don't know if I can trust him.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half and although we have really intimate talks, I feel like I don't know him. He's told me he loves me, confessed he's cheated on every girlfriend he's ever had, but says he feel differently about me. He's thoughtful, buys me gifts, and plans romantic weekends, but I often can't get a hold of him during the week. I’ll call and leave a message and then get a short text response an hour or two later. When we're together, I feel like everything is fine, but when we're apart, I'm not sure. I don't know how much of my suspicion that he may be seeing someone else is a projection and how much is common sense.
My best friend, who's 33 and in a stable relationship with a great guy, just told me she sometimes “forgets” to take her birth control pill but isn't telling her boyfriend. She says she'll be fine if she gets pregnant; that she doesn’t need to have the boyfriend involved with raising any child, though she'd hope he would. I'm kind of shocked. Is this common, or is she totally selfish?
He Said: Regardless of how common it is to be casual about birth control, if one partner is trusting the other to be honest, and they aren’t, it’s selfish. While life slips us many surprises as we go along, it’s not fair to give happenstance a helping hand when the outcome will affect someone else.