My mother has always tried to be more my friend than a parent. Sometimes this is sweet, sometimes it's embarrassing, but lately it's become positively nauseating. She's started having an affair (and she's still married to my dad) and can't wait to tell me all the lurid details. I've told her I don't want to hear them but even after I threaten to tell my father—who’s been a wonderful husband to her—she keeps the stories coming. How do I deal with her? And should I really tell my dad?
About a year ago my husband and I started a business that we run out of our apartment. We're sometimes together 24 hours a day and it’s killing our love life. It’s been a month since we’ve had sex. I see this as a problem and he thinks this is just a phase that will work itself out and that we shouldn’t worry about it. Help!
My girlfriend and I recently got engaged, and all my guy friends—especially the married ones with kids—are talking about throwing me a bachelor party in Vegas. This is my second marriage, and I feel like it’s inappropriate to throw a (second) big bachelor party. What do you think?
My boyfriend and I are very committed but he recently told me he wants to try an open sexual relationship. We know a couple who have been doing this for several years and although they have some issues, they seem happy enough. I’m much more concerned that this could break us up than I am excited about having sex with someone else. Any suggestions?
He Said: Yes I do have a suggestion: Ask yourself what it is that you are committed to. If the answer is committed to being a couple, which it sounds like, then do not have an open relationship. Outside action is usually a symptom that something central is missing and if you want to stay with your boyfriend, find out what the real need is and fill it.
My wife recently asked me if I wanted to have a ménage à trois with her and a girlfriend of hers. The girlfriend is smoking hot which makes it tempting but the flip side is that this women’s boyfriend wants the same situation with his girlfriend and my wife. My wife and I have been monogamous up till now and she says she’s willing to try this arrangement if I am.
He Said: Everyman's Dream, may I introduce you to Everyman's Nightmare. Wow and ouch. You haven't said how you feel about another man having sex with your wife, so maybe you are still trying the idea on for size to see how it fits. Here are some ideas to mull over while you measure yourself for a suit of amour.
I’m a 27-year-old Indian woman and have been madly in love with a wonderful man who isn’t Indian for three years. My parents are very traditional, don’t like this guy, and want me to marry another Indian. My boyfriend and I are thinking of eloping, but not only would our marriage bring some shame to my family, I have an older sister who is also somewhat traditional and it would make it harder for her to marry into a good family if I got married first. Any suggestions?
My husband is generally a caring and compassionate man, but when we get in an argument he never admits fault or apologizes. It’s like it’s not in him. I know this is the pattern in his family too. When the argument is over, he goes about his day, no grudges held, but no sorry either. I might err on the side of apologizing too much, but part of the reason for that is that I hate conflict and want it to be resolved as soon as possible. Otherwise, I internalize it and fume. So, no apology from him equals me fuming for days, while he’s moved on.
Welcome to our new weekly blog of half-truths and educated guesses on love, sex and relationships in SF. Here's who's dishing the advice:
He is a novelist living in SF who’s had one marriage, two live-in relationships, 10 girlfriends and a very wise therapist.
She is an SF health journalist who’s been married, single, communal, and bi-curious, and has studied tantra and orgasm—for research purposes, of course.