As a gay man, I’ve noticed that a lot of the younger guys have started bringing their gal pals along to clubs. At Trigger some nights, there are as many straight girls as gay guys. That’s fine, but it can also be a “c*ck block.” Guys don’t hook up for fear of abandoning their pals. Also, more straight guys have been showing up, swift on the tail of the cute girls. Mistaking a straight guy for gay is a real mood killer. What to do?
I’m a 40-year-old woman contemplating a boob job, but every guy I know seems to respond negatively to the idea, saying fake boobs feel terrible. Are breast implants a turn-on or turn-off?
He Said: Guys are most attracted to women who feel good about themselves, especially as they get older. A hot, young chick can be surly, depressed, boring, untrustworthy, or annoying and still have guys trailing after her. But women and men attract the partner they deserve as the years go by. The real question is not what will your guy friends think, but how will you feel if your breasts are firmer, possibly larger, but probably less sensitive? The statistics say that most women are glad they had work done, so that’s encouraging.
My boyfriend of two years wants sex every night. I prefer two or three times a week. I love him, but I feel pressured every time I get into bed. There’s no regard to my mood, stress or what’s happening between us. If I say “no,” he sulks; if I say “yes” when I don’t want to, it’s usually blah. I feel like this pattern is ruining the good sex we could be having if he’d just lay off a little. Why don’t guys understand that quantity does not equal quality?
He Said: While women think of emotional connection as a prelude to sex, men often think of sex as a prelude to emotional connection. So at least some of your man’s desire for sex might also be a desire for emotional intimacy.
From a man’s point of view, how long should I stay at his place after a casual hookup or one-night stand? What goes through his head if I get up and go right away versus wait an hour or so versus leave in the morning? Does it actually matter?
I’ve been married two years and my husband always “forgets” to wear his wedding ring. He takes it off to exercise or cook and then just leaves it off. He admits he doesn’t like wearing it because he isn’t a “jewelry guy,” and it bugs his finger. Naturally, I don’t like this one little bit. What do I do?
I’ve been dating a girl, and it’s starting to get serious, but I have long-term doubts because— here goes—she’s had too many lovers. I expect a woman to have had 15 or 20 or maybe even 25 lovers by the time she reaches her mid-30s, but this girl has had twice that, and while my rational side understands the math, some part of my lower brain finds it hard to trust her.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over two years and living with him for one. He’s going to grad school in the fall and he wants to try a long-distance relationship. At 30, I don’t know if I’m willing to wait another two years. How can a long-distance relationship work after we’ve lived together? How can I control myself so that I don’t turn into a jealous girlfriend who’s constantly worrying that her man is looking at 20-year-old undergrads? He tells me he isn’t ready to propose and needs to finish school. But it doesn’t seem fair to wait around at my age.
—30 and Ready in SoMa
My boyfriend and I are on a break, but I found his profile on an online dating site. We specified that the break was not meant for us to see other people. (I found his profile because I had a hunch and looked for it, not because I’m on the site myself.) What do I do? —Confused GF
Why are women so nuts? I meet this cute, smart, funny girl at the Elbo Room. We hook up. We go on a few dates. Suddenly, here comes the drama: sulking, dirty looks, snappy remarks, tears. She’s hot and cold. She wants to talk about where things are headed. It’s only week 5! How the hell do I know where things are headed? Why can’t women just date for a while and chill out? —Normal Guy
Welcome to our new weekly blog of half-truths and educated guesses on love, sex and relationships in San Francisco. Here's a little background on who's dishing the advice:
He is a novelist living in SF who’s had one marriage, two live-in relationships, 10 girlfriends and a very wise therapist.
She is an SF health journalist who’s been married, single, communal, and bi-curious, and has studied tantra and orgasm—for research purposes, of course.
And here are the answers to the first round of questions. Have a question of your own? Send 'em over to Twosense@7x7.com.