The Baby's Daddy


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I’ve been dating a fantastic guy for the past six months. We’re just now starting to have the “state of the relationship” talks where we discuss our potential future together. During one of our recent conversations, I found out that he doesn’t want to have kids. I’m crushed. I’ve always wanted kids, but this guy is incredible; he has every quality I want in a partner (except the desire for a family) and I’ve never had such a solid, loving relationship with anyone else I’ve dated. I hate to keep moving forward if having a family is out of the question, but I’m devastated at the thought of not being with him. What should I do?—CH

Jody    The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox
We always hear that relationships are hard work and they require compromise.

Sometimes it all comes down to how much we’re willing to actually compromise to make it work. We all have our ideal world in our heads involving the perfect house, the perfect car, or the perfect family. Sometimes we get those things and sometimes we don’t.

The four of us can type all day long to answer your question, but in reality, only you know the real answer. If you want to be with this person, then be with this person. If having a family is more important to you than being with this person, then you have to move on to search for Mr. Right who can give you what you are looking for. Just remember it’s only been six months. People change their minds about many issues over time. I know I have and I’ll guess you have as well. Be honest with your boyfriend. Instead of thinking you’re the one who has to do all the compromising for the sake of your relationship, remember there are two of you going through this, so do it together.

Check in tomorrow to read the straight woman's perspective by Rebecca Brown.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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