The Thirty Year-Old Virgin, Part 2


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

My girlfriend is turning thirty in two months and she’s never had sex. We’ve been dating for about seven months and she was honest with me from the beginning that having sex was something that conflicted with her religious beliefs. The thing is, she’s perfectly okay with having oral sex, anal sex, and masturbating together (sometimes to porn)—just not vaginal sex. I know most guys would be fine with these alternatives, but I’m starting to feel a little guilty about corrupting her. She’s someone I can see myself with long term and I want to do the right thing, but I’m only human and I get horny. Should I go cold turkey all together? Or be okay with it if she is?—JF

Darren    The straight woman's perspective: Rebecca Brown

It’s interesting that she’s the religious one, yet from your depiction of the situation, you seem to be carrying all the guilt. If she’s a willing participant, why do you feel guilty? Are you worried that someday she’ll wake up and recognize the error of her sinning ways and resent you? Or maybe you’re more observant of your faith than you’re letting on and you feel guilty about your less-than-Godly behavior? Maybe you’re also worried about being the Lucifer responsible for leading her down a path that her church might frown upon or that she’ll eventually regret. If she’s as devout as you say, I don’t think I’d want that burden either.

But get over all that, because she’s a big girl and she’s made her decision. I recommend talking to her—before you bend her over the dining room table again. Clearly, she’s already rationalized in her mind what she’s doing. So ask her how she reconciled all of it to get some insight on how you can. The key here is to get an understanding of her position on right and wrong as it relates to her religious beliefs so you can stop feeling like you’re corrupting her every time you guys rub one out. Also, don’t be afraid to share your version of right and wrong based on your religious beliefs, or just your beliefs in general. If you have strong views that differ from hers, it could be that you need to re-think your activities so they’re more in line with both of your beliefs—not just hers.


The good news is that you’re having a lot of consenting, mutual, sexy fun with someone you care about. Pretty much everyone in the world is looking for that, JF. So relax and have fun, whatever kind of fun that may be.


PS: That whole “I can’t help it I’m horny” excuse is so 10th grade. I’m sure you know how to keep that snake in its cage if you need to.

Check in tomorrow to read the straight man's perspective by Chris Kennedy.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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