The Thirty Year-Old Virgin, Part 3


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

My girlfriend is turning thirty in two months and she’s never had sex. We’ve been dating for about seven months and she was honest with me from the beginning that having sex was something that conflicted with her religious beliefs. The thing is, she’s perfectly okay with having oral sex, anal sex, and masturbating together (sometimes to porn)—just not vaginal sex. I know most guys would be fine with these alternatives, but I’m starting to feel a little guilty about corrupting her. She’s someone I can see myself with long term and I want to do the right thing, but I’m only human and I get horny. Should I go cold turkey all together? Or be okay with it if she is?—JF

Darren    The straight man's perspective: Chris Kennedy

What kind of church does this girl attend? Whichever it is, apparently, it’s okay to enter through the back door, but not the front.

She’s holding on to a puzzling and narrow definition of what it means to be religious. I mean, what religion says “Thou shalt not enter the pink, but feel free to go for the stink!” I’m sorry, but this girl’s got some pretty significant inconsistencies. She’s basically making up the rules here, or at least giving some religious tenets quite flexible interpretation.

Since she’s okay with your bedroom hijinks, you can be too. She’s not asking you to stop, so why stop if you like it? I would caution you to get her to explain her thought process further on this. I think she’s misunderstanding her religious faith—and you think she is too. You can ask her to reevaluate your sex life if it’s really bothering you. If she’s living her life under some deluded idea of what it means to be religious, it’s a bit of a red flag for her overall thought process. What Would Jesus Do? I think he’d sit down and have a talk with this girl. So should you. Good luck and God’s speed.

Check in tomorrow to read the gay woman's perspective by Jody Fischer.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

Show Comments ()

Related Articles


Follow Us On