The Weighting Game


by The 4-Way Panel

Dear 4-Way,

I’ve been dating a great guy for about 10 months. Right about the time we started dating, I got a new, even more demanding job, which has prevented me from working out as much as I’d like. On top of that, my job also requires me to take clients to lunches and dinners, so I’ve gained about 18 pounds. My boyfriend used to joke around about what a hot girlfriend he had—he doesn’t do that anymore. In fact, recently, he told me he was worried about my health because I’d gained so much weight. He said he’d also noticed that my self-esteem had taken a bit of a nosedive. (He’s right.) Then he told me that he wasn’t as physically attracted to me anymore. I can understand where he’s coming from, but my heart is broken. I thought the rest of his “intervention” was caring, but that part killed me. I know I need to lose weight, but now I’m wondering if I should stay with a guy that puts physical beauty so high on his list. Realistically, I know I can’t maintain a hot body forever. What do you guys think?—EM

Darren    The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox

Here’s a reality check for you: If you’ve gained 18 pounds (about two pounds each month) since you started your new job, you’re going to be 20 to 25 pounds heavier in a year than you are right now! Just because you have an expense account does not mean it’s time to strap on the feedbags and wash it down with four glasses of wine all under the guise of “entertaining clients” and think your body will go unaffected. It’s all about choices. Alter your eating habits now or you’ll have bigger troubles down the road.

And when you say you haven’t had the time to work out as much as you like because of a more demanding job, who does? I certainly don’t get up at dawn’s crack and run three miles because my nice warm bed suddenly turns on me and kicks my ass out onto the unforgiving hardwood. I do it because that is the only time I can manage to get in what needs to be done for the day in the name of fitness. I’m just saying that when you accept a job, you also accept the fact that certain things will have to change to meet the demands of a good balance. Only you can tip the scales back in your favor.

As for the boyfriend, I don’t condemn him for what he’s telling you. I think he is concerned about your whole body and the fact that you don’t seem to have your balance right now. Physical attractiveness is a part of that. You got your feelings hurt by some harsh realities. Don’t let that ruin your relationship. Let those things make you stronger.

Check in tomorrow to read the straight woman's perspective by Rebecca Brown.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.

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