Two Sense: Does My Partner Have a Problem with Drugs?


I'm a 30-something gay man. About six months ago, I met a really sweet/hot guy at a circuit party here in SF. We hit it off and have begun seeing each other regularly. The night we met, we were both using GHB, which is a popular drug in the circuit party scene because it enhances both the dancing and, if it happens, the sex afterward. It also generally does not leave you horribly hungover, like a night of drinking would. I use it recreationally, about four times a year when there's a great dance party in town or for special events like Folsom Street Fair. Otherwise, the hardest drug I use is booze. However, I'm starting to realize that my new beau may have a problem. He's fine during the day: good job, full life of family and friends, but when it comes to sex he seems to always want to bring out his little vial of G. On those occasions when he doesn’t, it seems like he's going through the motions, and the sex, so to speak sucks. I've confronted him about it very gingerly (who am I to judge, given how we met?), but he always laughs it off as a harmless diversion, which I suppose in some ways is true. Is there some way I can wean him off the stuff, or is this something he really needs to figure out on his own?" src="/sites/all/modules/wysiwyg/plugins/break/images/spacer.gif" alt="">

He Said: When it comes to addiction, people generally have to figure out that they need help on their own, even though we can certainly use whatever power we have to help show them the way. In this case, however, I'm going to suggest a different tact. Since it seems your BF uses GHB only for sex, you may have more power in the situation than you know to show him a different way. Tell him that you want to try a fun little sexual experiment (I'm a gay man, so believe you me, he won't turn this down). Tell him that you've been fantasizing about sex after sharing a bottle of wine. Since GHB does not mix with booze (unless you want to end up in a coma or worse), he'll have no choice to but to put away his vial. Create a romantic/sexual mood, with a great bottle or three, scented candles, his favorite music, bubble bath, and maybe even a good meal. Trot out your favorite skimpy skivvies. Once he's downed a couple of glasses and is feeling the glow, get him naked. You may have to do most of the work this time around (starting with a massage), but I'm pretty sure that by the time you are done he'll have had a great sexual experience without G. The next week, try 420. Gradually, over time, you'll have taught him to see the possibilities in a much wider range of (less addictive) substances. Sure, it's not quite sober sex, but you'll be in a much better position to introduce what might be his most forbidden fantasy of all.

She Said: That all sounds like some very tipsy sexy-time fun, but I doubt it’s going to get him off the GHB. If he’s using it pretty much every time he has sex, which I’m assuming is several times a week, he sounds at least psychologically dependent on it. There are conflicting opinions over whether regular use of GHB causes an actual physical addiction, but there have definitely been reports of heavy users who experienced withdrawal symptoms such as insomnia, anxiety, and irregular heartbeat upon stopping. So yes, this is something he has to figure out on his own. You can certainly express your concern that he “only seems to enjoy sex” (that’s a gentle way of putting it) when he’s on the drug, and tell him you’re worried he might be dependent on it. But in the end, it’s up to him. Good luck.

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