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Two Sense

Two Sense: How To Handle A Cruel Girlfriend

I have been dating a woman for about 17 months, and I’m at a crossroads. Basically, she’s mean—she says and does things that border on cruelty. She is hypercritical and insulting with no thought to the consequences. She says the most hurtful things about me, and though I want it to work, each day I’m faced with the challenge of ignoring her insulting behavior. It’s like being on an emotional StairMaster. Is it time to move on?

Two Sense: How Can I Get My Libido Back After My Husband's Affair?

Six months ago, my husband had an affair with a coworker of his that lasted a few weeks. He came clean, and the usual drama ensued: tears, screaming, and counseling. He’s since changed jobs (not just because of that) and we’re working on our marriage. Things are going fairly well, except that ever since the affair, I have zero interest in sex. My libido has dwindled to nothing. We used to have what I thought of as a healthy sexual relationship, but now I have to talk myself into it, and I usually can’t orgasm, which isn’t like me. My husband is being patient, and we’ve talked it out in therapy, but I feel stuck. I feel like his betrayal is lodged in my body somehow, despite my best efforts to forgive and let go. Help.

Two Sense: Can I Have My Cake and Eat It, Too?

I'm in my mid-20s and recently hit it off with a 30-something guy at a bar. He's finalizing a divorce and has a couple of kids; I've been contemplating a break from my three-year boyfriend. He advised me to leave while I'm young, as he knew his marriage was a mistake from the beginning. We've been texting, hanging out, and we've kissed. He's enjoying the single life and acts like a guy in his 20s: last-minute plans, indecisiveness. But sometimes I think he wants more than friendship or booty because he'll act chivalrous, hold my hand, and say certain things. For my part, I don't have the heart/strength to break it off with my boyfriend right now, yet I'm flirting with this man because I've never really dated much. I've either been totally single or in a relationship.

Two Sense: My Wife Lives In Another City But My Mom Lives In SF. Who Should I Be Near?

My wife and I married almost a year ago. I live in SF, and she lives in LA near her large family. I’m an only child from Taiwanese parents. My recently widowed mother, who doesn’t speak much English, is in good health and lives in her Chinatown apartment near several close friends, but she’s getting old. Since we’re planning to have kids, my wife says it’s better to live in LA where there’s more help and extended family. But I feel obligated to stay near my mom. My wife and I are digging our heels in, and I’m worried.

Two Sense: Do I Return Lost Glasses to a One-Night Stand?

I hooked up with someone, everything went well, and in the morning he left before I woke up. But he left a pair of prescription glasses behind. I want to return them, but he isn't answering my texts. Do I write it off as his loss? Do I hold on to the glasses in case he decides to come back for them?

Two Sense: Can Sexting Be Forgiven?

I went through my boyfriend’s phone and found dozens of vulgar sexual texts from many girls going back a year (we’ve been together six months). Some had graphic pictures. Apalled, I confronted him, and he denied sleeping with or even meeting any of them. He said he considered it a form of porn and that he’d been meaning to stop.  He was very ashamed, but things aren’t the same. I’m so hurt. I see him as a hypocrite, perv, and liar—yet I want to work things out with him because I love him, and I know that he loves me. Can this get better?

Two Sense: Should I Leave My Boyfriend Before He Leaves Me?

My boyfriend of eight months recently quit his job and bought a one-way ticket to South America. He’s always been honest about wanting to take this trip before he settles down (he’s 27). We’ve decided not to stay monogamous while he’s traveling and he says he can’t promise me anything upon his return. He leaves in three months. Should I stay with him and just enjoy the next three months or cut ties now before I end up getting really hurt?
 

Two Sense: Do I Forgive a Drunken Kiss?

My boyfriend of six years kissed a work colleague when drunk. In the month proceeding, he was in a dilemma as he knew it was time to commit to me, but he didn't feel ready. We've been together since 19 and he wanted some time alone. He told me straight away, and said he did it to sabotage us. He broke it off, and I moved out of our flat. He wanted me back within three days, and after three months he is still singing the same song. I love him, we are really good together, and I know he is sorry and has learned from his mistake. I doubt he will do it again. But I'm struggling to get the kiss out of my head. I really want to. Any advice?  

Two Sense: Does My 25-Year-Old Girlfriend Understand Long-Term Commitment?

I’m a divorced, childless man in my mid-40s and have been seriously dating a 25-year-old for two years. We both want to get married and have kids, but I’m worried that my girlfriend may not stick around for the long haul. I know she sincerely loves me now, but I’m not sure she’s old enough to understand what long-term commitment entails.

Two Sense: Should I Give My BF a Hall Pass for Burning Man?

My boyfriend is headed to Burning Man for a week and wants a BM hall pass. I’m not a Burner and have no problem with him going alone, but I’m not sure about this. He says everyone does it. But we’ve been monogamous for over a year and I feel it could greatly upset our connection.

He Said: It was Burning Man; it was a Las Vegas weekend; it was Mardi Gras; it was a high school reunion; she was crying and I felt for her; they wanted to see what the Power Exchange was like; I was really drunk; I did it to get even with you; I was tripping; it was Thailand; it was months ago now; it was a work Christmas party; it was a mistake that made me appreciate you more; you know how Italy is; she was gay but curious; I didn't know the massage came with a happy ending; he reminded me of you; BART wasn't running and she had a hotel room; we just finished that big work project; I think he spiked my drink with something; I was sound asleep and she crawled into bed with me; you would have done the same thing; it was a bachelor party; it was therapy; she wanted to make her ex jealous; OK, I needed the money.

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