I'm a cute gay young Asian guy who gets plenty of dates. I love white guys, and they love me right back. Once in a while I go onto the online hookup sites such as Manhunt.com and Adam4adam.com, and the profiles there are littered with guys saying things like, "No fats, no femmes, no olds, and no Asians." I cringe every time I see one. I have my own preferences, and I respect that other guys do too, but it feels so demeaning to be singled out like that. How do I deal with this kind of covert racism in a town that prides itself on making everyone feel included?
I'm a twenty-something lesbian living in Oakland. I'm totally out, comfortable being gay, and love women unconditionally. I don't really relate to men other than as friends. Though I'm not ready to settle down, I'm pretty good at dating and intimacy. But here's the catch. I love cock. I'd much rather be with a woman overall, but then I get distracted by my pursuit of what I consider better orgasms that only the penis can produce. (Sex toys suck!) How can I have the best of both worlds?
How important is it for a couple to share similar interests and activities? My new boyfriend loves to ski, camp, and hike. I love to read, cook, and ballroom dance. I've fallen hard for him, and I think he has for me too. At first, we frankly spent so much time in bed that the differences weren't noticeable. But now that "real life" is settling in, he wants to spend weekends in Tahoe and I want to stay in SF. He is talking about all the camping he wants to do this summer and I'm planning cultural trips to Montreal and Oaxaca. I don't begrudge him his separate interests, and I'm fine with time away from each other, but can two opposites really build a life together, or am I being impractical and foolhardy?
I started dating a woman recently and was surprised to find, when we first had sex, that she didn't have a Brazilian or something close to it. Don't get me wrong. She was lovely, sexy, well-groomed and healthy. She was just ... much more natural ... than any woman I've seen since high school, which was 15 years ago. At first I couldn't stop looking at it, like it was some kind of fossil of female anatomy. I have to say I've quickly gotten used to it, except when I'm giving her oral sex. It's distracting me to the point of throwing me off my game down there. But I'm loathe to ask my new girlfriend to start waxing. I even kind of admire her for not going along with the rest of the lemmings and taking pride in her own body, you know? But what do I do about the oral?
How do I go about changing up my sexual routine with my boyfriend? What we're doing used to work for me, but after two years it's become a little stale. I want a few basic changes, like I want to get on top more often, for instance. I've gone along with the way we do it for a while even though I've been wanting to change it simply because I don't want my BF to feel criticized. I also haven't had a lot of luck in past relationships when I try to initiate some kind of sexual change, so I'm a little gun shy about speaking up. Help.
I'm an attractive twenty-something woman living in the Mission with an active dating and social life. Many of my gay male friends talk about "PNP," which is short for party and play. Basically, it's sex enhanced with the use of crystal meth or other drugs such has GHB. They talk about sex that literally lasts all night long. I can't help but be curious. Non-gay folks seem to use the drug mainly in non-sexual ways, which doesn’t interest me. While none of my gay friends are addicts (or appear to be), they seem totally okay with using drugs once in a while for sex. Would it be the worst thing in the world if I got a connection from one of my friends, and tried it with one of the guys I’m dating?
My girlfriend has a couple of vibrators that she likes and has been using for years, more often (she says) when she was single or when we’ve been away from each other on business trips and the like. The other day she suggested using one while we were having sex, and I was open, but when I saw how quickly and powerfully it got her off, I felt a little taken aback. She orgasms with me nearly every time, but not in like three minutes flat. I want her to have as much pleasure as possible, but I worry that if we bring the vibrator into bed with us, she'll get more attached to it than she is to me, if you know what I mean.
I've had three serious monogamous relationships in my life, including the one I'm in now. My boyfriend, who's my age (38), has had about a dozen, lasting anywhere from six months to two years. He thinks of them as ex-girlfriends, not dates or casual lovers. My problem is that when he says he loves me, I can't help but feel it means less than when I say it. If he's loved every second woman who's come along, how special am I really? Our histories make me feel I'm more serious and committed than he is, by default. Otherwise, he's the perfect man for me but I can't help feeling like this is transitory somehow.
I am dreading New Year’s Eve. My girlfriend and I broke up two months ago and this is our first holiday apart in years. Our close circle of mutual friends typically throws a big party, for couples as well as singles, and I know she's going. Our breakup was amicable but it's too recent and raw to be around each other right now. So my choice is to be with all my friends and feel like a wreck inside because she's there, or home alone and possibly even more wrecked. Help!
I am engaged to a woman 15 years my junior. She's smart, pretty, and loyal. We have created a solid relationship based on shared interests, communication, and trust. But for some time, I've enjoyed the company of a wide range of women, especially when I travel. This company often involves sex, though not always. It has become part of my identity as a man, and I don’t want to entirely give it up. It brings me great joy and a constant sense of adventure, which is important as I'm nearing 40. My problem is that I can't tell my girlfriend. She simply is not mature enough to understand that lifelong monogamy is just not right for everyone. She would leave me for sure, which would devastate me. But on the other hand, I feel like I'm violating the sense of trust that we have developed. What should I do?
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