I’ve been with my wife for ten years, married for two. About a year ago, I cheated. I felt so guilty, I decided she should find someone else and filed for divorce. We separated for five months, and I realized I couldn’t live without her. So I asked for a second chance and we started seeing each other. We put the divorce on hold and started working things out slowly. I asked her to tell me if she was seeing anyone else—I noticed she was always checking her phone. One day I showed up at her place with flowers and found her with another guy. I was heartbroken, but long story short, we moved back in together. That was a year ago, and we still haven’t had sex. I’ve been a good husband, helping with housework, giving her massages, buying her flowers. She’s told me she will initiate sex when she’s ready. I don’t know whether I’ve hurt her too much or I am too impatient or if she’s seeing someone else. She occasionally sees in passing the guy she slept with at work, though she tells me she doesn’t speak to him. I find that hard to believe. I stopped all communication with the woman I slept with. I’ve planned a birthday trip for my wife soon and we’ll be renewing our vows. The only thing our relationship is missing is sex. Am I on the right track?
I’ve read your advice about what a woman should do when she has found her significant other cheating/sexting/lying. Now I need your help because I have done those things and she is ready to walk. I have a history of this and have even gotten the help of a psychologist in the past. A few months ago when my girlfriend and I were doing long distance—and very close to moving in together—I became depressed and lonely. I used a fling as a crutch. It didn’t lead to sex, but it was a mistake and I knew it. I had a shock to the system and realized that I love my girlfriend and want only her. We have been living together for two months now. She is the love of my life and I am so glad I made the move. However, she recently found out about my mistake and has lost all trust in me.
My wife died three years ago and I went through a long grieving process during which I was celibate and completely uninterested in dating. Recently I've attempted to get back out there, and the very first woman I dated seemed--shall we say--very interested in getting me "back on the horse," so to speak, after hearing that I'd been abstinent for so long. The experience was healing for me, and she felt great about it afterwards as well. Now, as I meet new women, I'm tempted to also tell them about my long period of celibacy, since it seems to have been some kind of turn-on, or perhaps it made me look trustworthy or loyal to my wife. The thing is, of course, I'd be kind of lying, since the abstinence is over, and of course I don't want to use my beloved deceased wife to get laid.
I'm dating a guy who is smart, funny, successful, handsome, considerate, and generous. His one weakness though: He's a liar. I've caught him in more than one lie and confronted him every time, so he knows that I know. My friends are all telling me to dump him because of this, but honestly, I don't want to. I don't plan on getting serious with him, and he has so many great qualities I enjoy, that I just want to play it out until I get tired of it. My friends think I'm fooling myself. Am I?
How do you move on from a very serious relationship while working a job in hospitality? I spend most evenings at work in a high-stress environment while sleeping through a portion of my days. It's been over a year since I've had a real date, much less wanted one. I'm still young but shy. How would you recommend I take the steps to meet new people and hopefully connect?
I’ve been with my fiancé for almost four years now, living together for three. For the first and a half, he was sexting other women. When I finally found out about it six months into the relationship, I confronted him and he swore up and down that he would stop, that he never did anything physical with any of them, and that it was because he was afraid of being in such a committed relationship. I even found the nude photos saved to his phone, and he tried to tell me that his phone "automatically saved" all incoming pictures. I'm not dumb enough to believe that, but I brushed it off. He finally stopped after a while, and I began to trust him again. We got engaged a year and a half ago and things have been good.
At age 47, I finally met a guy I want to marry, a man in his early 50s. We've been friends for years, but he was married until recently. After his divorce, we started dating and things quickly progressed. Six months later, we're at the point of getting engaged--at this age, why wait, right? But I have one qualm. This will be my first marriage and his fourth. He was married once in his 20s, once in his 30s, and his third marriage lasted 15 years. None produced children. I know good people get divorced all the time, and that luck and timing play as much a part as maturity and self-awareness. But I can't seem to get past the .... lower status of being a fourth wife when he will be my first husband. Am I being petty? Letting societal rules influence me too much? Or is this a little red flag popping up to warn me?
My husband and I have been married 10 years and have what I feel is a healthy sex life. We typically have sex once or twice a week and it's very satisfying to us both, but of course, over time, we've developed a routine that works, and that we rarely stray from. Now he says he wants to “spice things up.” Specifically, he wants to tie me up. I'm not sure about this. I was hoping "spice things up" would be a new position or taking a class in couple's erotic massage or something. The thought of being tied up doesn't turn me on. It scares me (and no, I haven't had any sexual trauma). What should I tell him? I don't want to seem uptight or totally shut down to his fantasies, but I just can't seem to relax around the idea.
I'm a 40-year-old woman who has been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for the last decade. He's everything one could want: handsome, responsible, and incredibly loyal and loving. However, I have a terrible problem. As he has pressed for marriage in the last few years, I’ve come to a horrible revelation: I don't love him. He's really more my best friend. These days when we have sex I am only going through the motions, and that was enough for me until now, when I must commit more fully. The whole relationship has been unfair to him, because he wants more, and to me, for I am miserable living a lie. He often wonders why I don't express more fulfillment in my life, thinking it must just be the way I am. In fact, it's because I have not been fully honest with him and feel trapped by my own lies. How do I extract myself from the predicament? The guilt and remorse is killing me.
I'm a 43-year-old gay San Franciscan, born and raised. For the last year, I've been dating a great 30-something guy who, it happens, is also a porn star. This probably seems a bigger deal than it is, as the city is full of them, given that so many adult videos are produced here. It seems every other hot Castro guy has appeared in at least one video scene. My guy has a regular (non-porn) job but every month or so he gets around $700 to star in a skin flick. We have already agreed upon monogamy, with the obvious exception of his monthly gig, which he considers modeling, not sex, even though there is actual penetration. Since there is no emotional attachment for him, and I’m not the jealous type anyway, that works for me. But here’s my problem.
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