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Two Sense

Two Sense: I Feel Like I'm Doing All the Work in the Relationship, Help!

Two Sense: I Feel Like I'm Doing All the Work in the Relationship, Help!

I’ve been dating a guy for eight months, and we get along great. We see each other every weekend, play volleyball together once a week, and have a good mix of alone time and friend time. The only thing we struggle with is my need for more affection, attention, and initiation on his part, which makes me feel insecure. My gal pals say, "If you want to go over and cuddle, call him and tell him! If you want him to take you out, tell him!" And whenever I do, he always responds positively. So sometimes directly expressing my wants works really well. But sometimes I want him to initiate. It bothers me that I want more of his time than he wants of mine. It kills the desire if I constantly have to say, "I want to come over! I want you to text me more!" I've expressed this to him and he usually kicks it up for a week or two and then we get back into our comfortable routines and I start feeling anxious or needy again. I am a Type A proactive planner and he's the laidback don't-commit-till-Friday-night passive one. So I'm wondering: are my expectations unreasonable? Is this a big enough incompatibility to be deal-breaker? Or should I back off, stifle my personality somewhat, and be patient, letting him initiate in his own time? But I don't want to play games. Help me figure out how to feel empowered in this situation!

Two Sense: Is Masturbating While Driving Common?

Two Sense: Is Masturbating While Driving Common?

I was recently at a bachelorette party where the drinks were flowing and the conversation was, shall we say, randy. One of the ladies confessed that she had masturbated on her way to the party, in her car! That lead to a survey, and it turned out that of the 15 gals present, 11 of them had masturbated in their cars at some point. I am no prude, but I was shocked. I've never even thought to masturbate while driving. Couldn't it be dangerous? After all, texting is illegal, and having an orgasm has to be at least as distracting as texting! Is this some trend I've missed? I'd love to know your thoughts on this.

Two Sense: Help Me Forgive Myself for Cheating

Two Sense: Help Me Forgive Myself for Cheating

I split up with my longterm live-in boyfriend last year, and toward the end of the relationship, when things were going progressively downhill, I cheated on him and managed to keep it a secret. At the time it felt freeing, but now that I look back with more perspective, I feel horrible for betraying his trust. I feel like I've ruined the memories of our good years together by breaking my commitment at the end. I can't seem to forgive myself. Help.

Two Sense: Why Does My Boyfriend Insist on My Least Favorite Sexual Position?

Two Sense: Why Does My Boyfriend Insist on My Least Favorite Sexual Position?

My boyfriend's favorite position is reverse cowgirl. Let me tell you something: Reverse cowgirl is not a woman-friendly position. It's boring, the angle is bad, and even when I touch myself, it's so upright and awkward that I don't get off. I know you're going to tell me to get off first in some other position--which I can and do--but nevertheless, my BF's adherence to always ending in reverse cowgirl and is starting to get on my nerves. I think he likes my ass better than he likes me, or any other part of me. (I do have a great ass, but my face and boobs aren't at all bad either.) Help before my resentment grows any further.

Two Sense: Does My Partner Have a Problem with Drugs?

Two Sense: Does My Partner Have a Problem with Drugs?

I'm a 30-something gay man. About six months ago, I met a really sweet/hot guy at a circuit party here in SF. We hit it off and have begun seeing each other regularly. The night we met, we were both using GHB, which is a popular drug in the circuit party scene because it enhances both the dancing and, if it happens, the sex afterward. It also generally does not leave you horribly hungover, like a night of drinking would. I use it recreationally, about four times a year when there's a great dance party in town or for special events like Folsom Street Fair. Otherwise, the hardest drug I use is booze. However, I'm starting to realize that my new beau may have a problem.

Two Sense: Help! My Boyfriend's Addicted to His iPhone!

Two Sense: Help! My Boyfriend's Addicted to His iPhone!

My boyfriend is a pretty good one in most regards, but he is addicted to his iPhone. It's never off his person, whether in a pocket or in his hand. He checks it constantly, at every break in activity or conversation, and often during activities and conversations. He tweets, Facebooks, emails and texts many friends and family dozens of times a day. At a restaurant, or on the couch watching TV, he's checking it. I'm no Luddite. I love my iPhone and social networks too. But this is excessive. I feel like I never have his total attention. Of course we've argued about it but it hasn't helped. What should I do? If I were to establish some ground rules, what would they look like? I'm about to smash the thing or throw it into the Bay.

Two Sense: Dealing with Friends with Kids

Two Sense: Dealing with Friends with Kids

I just saw the movie Friends With Kids and I found it blazingly accurate. My friends have started popping out babies, and suddenly the entire world revolves around nap time, bedtime, feeding time, etc. Of course, I expected this to some extent, and I (and our other childless friends) try to accommodate, but it seems overblown. I can no longer have a five-minute phone conversation with my best friend; every time her kid interrupts, she puts me on hold. We can no longer do brunch; it's the middle of nap time. Nor can we linger over dinner past 9 p.m. I send birthday presents, but no longer get them. Don't get me wrong. I love kids, and I love my friends' kids, and I'm realistic enough to know that life changes once you have a family. But was it always this extreme?

Two Sense: How Do I Get Better at Foreplay?

Two Sense: How Do I Get Better at Foreplay?

Thank god this is anonymous, because my problem is embarrassing. I'm no good at oral sex. Really. I'm not just being hard on myself; I've had more than one guy tell me so. I'm pretty, well-dressed, outgoing, and have had lots of boyfriends and lovers. I like sex and I think (and have been told) I'm good at it. Except for that one thing. It's not that I have anything against it, or dislike it the way some women do. I just honestly feel at a loss when I go down there, and I keep repeating the same few (lame) moves. Why don’t they give a class on this? Help!

Two Sense: I Can't Help but Judge My Once-Promiscuous Girlfriend

Two Sense: I Can't Help but Judge My Once-Promiscuous Girlfriend

I’ve been dating a woman for nine months. Our chemistry is amazing and we’re compatible. But as I discovered more about her sexual history, I find that it’s precluding me from considering her seriously in the roles of wife and mother. I won’t go down the whole list, but in a nutshell, she had sex with 24 guys when she was only 14, worked as a stripper, had sex in public, and had affairs with married men. She’s only 25 but has had more than 50 lovers, more than I’ve had at age 35. She’s educated, professional, and has turned her life around. But there’s some wall in my head, making it difficult for me to not to categorize her as a “ho.” Yet in every other way, we seem perfect for each other.

Two Sense: When the Passion is Gone, But Your Love Isn't

Two Sense: When the Passion is Gone, But Your Love Isn't

I have been with my boyfriend for over five years. About a year ago he messed up in a big way and we broke up for six months. To his credit, he came a long way and I realized that I am happier with him than without him. We reunited about six months ago, and it just feels stagnant. I am happy and comfortable. We got a dog and are on the fast track toward marriage, but there is a lot missing for me. Our sex life is not exciting anymore and I don’t know if there’s a fix for that. I love him a lot and enjoy being with him but I question if he’s the one for me. I’m at a crossroads. I could be very happy and comfortable in our familiar love forever with doubt at the back of my mind, or I could take a huge risk and be on my own. Leaving him would be terrible for both of us but I just don’t know what to do.

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