I'm an attractive gay man in my late 30s living in the Mission. Life is good—satisfying job, cool apartment, great friends & family. But I have one problem: too much sex! I'm pretty open-minded sexually. I like 'em all shapes and sizes, races and ages, and other guys seem to find me attractive (all that time at the gym helps). I seriously can't walk down any street south of Market without the possibility of sex lingering around every corner. I get laid in the back rooms of bars, at the gym steam room, in random guys' apartments—and that does not even include the late-night Craigslist hookups. I feel guilty complaining; I love every anonymous encounter. My straight friends are incredibly envious. The problem is that temptation is making it harder to find the right guy to settle down with, a lifetime dream. I mean, I usually can't even remember the name of the last guy, and the idea of a traditional date seems more and more remote. What should I do?
I'm a second-generation Taiwanese-American woman who was born and raised here. My boyfriend emigrated from Japan to the US about 10 years ago, and we’ve been in a serious relationship for a year. I invited him to several of my family functions this past year and he attended, but he later told me they were almost unbearably stressful for him, because in Japanese culture, it’s considered extremely disrespectful to attend a family event unless the couple is married or at least engaged. His family back in Japan was shocked to learn he visited my family with me. I don’t want to disrespect his culture or force him to do anything, but my parents, who are assimilated, now think he’s being too rigid and that he’s not truly serious about me.
I’ve been with my first serious boyfriend for nine months. Long story short, he’s still friends with many of his exes, which doesn’t bother me except for one girl. He frequently goes to her house to hang out with her brother, and he’s admitted she comes on to him and he brushes her off. She also texts him; just last week he asked me to check his phone for a message from his mom and I saw a text from her asking him to hang out because he’s so much more fun than her new boyfriend. FYI, I’ve also caught him sexting with another random girl on Facebook a few months back. He apologized, and I’m over that, but I don’t know how to handle his friendship with this ex. She lost her virginity to him and maybe that’s why she’s so stuck on him. He says she’s like a sister to him at this point. Should I just try to get past it or should I be more stern?
I'm the world's biggest fag hag. All my closest friends are gay guys. I love their vibe, their humor, and how much fun I have with them. But I'm starting to get worried that I've become too absorbed in their circle and am moving away from my own chances at a heterosexual relationship. Not only do I spend a lot of my social time in gay bars, I also get crushes on my gay friends (which they laugh off, mostly), and I've even taken to watching gay (male) porn, and find that I really like it. What's going on with me? Am I a gay man trapped inside a woman's body? Am I just avoiding my own relationship challenges? Or am I simply enjoying the openness and androgyny that SF affords me?
After more than two decades of dating in SF (and, I admit, often being a dog about it), I scored a jackpot: a sexy, smart, athletic, sweet woman a lot younger than me who loves my friends and family and adores me. But once she moved in, I discovered something I'd never anticipated: a woman who wants to screw more than I do. I love her, and the sex is great, but every time she approaches me I'm like, "Didn't we just do that?" I'm sure this is our age difference showing. I can keep up for now, but I'm worried about the long-term diagnosis here.
My boyfriend is more adventurous in bed than I am and engages in a lot of dirty talk. I’m willing to try new things, but I still have boundaries. How far should I go in satisfying his sexual fantasies, and at what point should I say no?
I’m a 40-something divorced guy who’s still good friends with my ex-wife. I’ve been dating since we broke up five years ago, but nothing has stuck. What’s the matter with me?
I’m a 35-year-old woman and I love my girlfriend, but I don't relish her family. In almost every way you can name—culturally, politically, religiously—they're pretty much the opposite of my social circle. I'm not saying I can't spend time with them: I can. We see them occasionally and I try to enjoy them for who they are. My family is nowhere near perfect, and no wealthier or healthier than hers, so I'm not judging hers. It's just that, deep down, I'm afraid perhaps I shouldn't commit to a person whose roots seem so different than mine. My girlfriend and I seem to be mostly on the same page with our values and lifestyle, but still I worry that as time goes by, she may become more like her kin.
I recently noticed on Facebook that my ex-husband has removed pictures he previously posted of the two of us and un-tagged himself from photos posted by others where I’m also in the shot. It’s certainly his right to do this, but emotionally it struck me as something out of 1984’s Ministry of Truth, where records of an inconvenient past were stuffed down a memory hole and a new narrative created to replace it. Why do people feel the need to erase a past they were once so proud of? BTW, We were together for 14 years, had an amicable divorce and are still friendly.
A year ago, I met "Michael" on an online dating site. Given that I had recently divorced, I took my time with him. But after four months, I was surprised to learn that he was not developing romantic feelings for me. Because I cared for him and enjoyed our friendship though, we embarked on a "friends with benefits" relationship: sexual monogamy with the understanding that we both wanted more from a partner eventually. For the next eight months, we spent about a third of our time together, during which I constantly waged war against my growing feelings toward him. This past Thanksgiving when Michael went to see his family without me, I felt literally left behind, and began actively dating. I met someone who is totally into me. I told Michael, and we agreed to just be friends. But two weeks later, Michael began sending me affectionate messages, and last weekend, he disclosed that he did have feelings for me. I adore Michael; I dare say I love him. I’m scared of being hurt, but at the end of the day, being with him feels right. Do I throw the proverbial caution into the wind?
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