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Two Sense

Two Sense: Should I Let My Feelings Get the Best of Me?

A year ago, I met "Michael" on an online dating site. Given that I had recently divorced, I took my time with him. But after four months, I was surprised to learn that he was not developing romantic feelings for me. Because I cared for him and enjoyed our friendship though, we embarked on a "friends with benefits" relationship: sexual monogamy with the understanding that we both wanted more from a partner eventually. For the next eight months, we spent about a third of our time together, during which I constantly waged war against my growing feelings toward him. This past Thanksgiving when Michael went to see his family without me, I felt literally left behind, and began actively dating. I met someone who is totally into me. I told Michael, and we agreed to just be friends. But two weeks later, Michael began sending me affectionate messages, and last weekend, he disclosed that he did have feelings for me. I adore Michael; I dare say I love him. I’m scared of being hurt, but at the end of the day, being with him feels right. Do I throw the proverbial caution into the wind?

Two Sense: Is My Friend Gay?

I have a close, longtime male friend who has always been extremely secretive about his sexual identity. Most of our common acquaintances assume he's gay, and whenever I've tried to broach the issue directly, he seems to sense what I want to ask in advance, changing the topic before I can even ask. I don't really care one way or the other (I'm a straight male), but more than a decade later, not knowing feels like an uncomfortable gap in our friendship, which is otherwise a good one. It's also sometimes hard to ignore what others say about him, which is mostly idle gossip. Should I just resign myself to never knowing, or would it help our friendship to push harder for him to talk about it openly?

Two Sense: Should I Have Dinner With My Girlfriend and Her Ex?

My girlfriend just asked me to go out to dinner with a male friend of hers that I have never met and whom she often talks about. I have a feeling she's had a previous relationship with this guy, and it doesn't seem like a good idea for the three of us to have dinner. Should I ask her if she's been with him in the past, or ignore it and go out to dinner?

Two Sense: When Can I Start Accepting Gifts Without Being A Gold-Digger?

I've been seeing a man for several months. He has gobs more money than I do, which is fine, but I am uncomfortable when he offers to pay for expensive things I could never afford on my own (i.e. airfare, hotel rooms, iPods). I keep resisting these offers, and he keeps insisting he doesn't at all mind paying for me. At what point in the relationship is it okay to start accepting big gifts from him without thinking of myself as a gold-digger?

Two Sense: Whose House Should We Go to For Christmas?

Every year at the holidays, my live-in partner and I struggle with whose family to visit. His family lives a mere hour away in Sonoma, and we see them several times a year. Mine is all the way out in Boston, and annual holidays are the only time I usually see them. He thinks we should alternate Christmases—one year his family, one year mine. I don’t want to keep him from his family on the holidays, but since Christmas is traditionally the only time I see mine, missing it feels like a big loss to me. What’s fair? Do we switch off, or do I get to see my family every Christmas since I see his a lot more than he sees mine?

Two Sense: Dealing with Your Boyfriend's Fantasies

I’ve been living with my boyfriend for four months. While cleaning, I found a stash of porn DVDs. Instead of freaking out, I calmly suggested we watch a few together. The first DVD starred a very curvy African-American woman. The longer I watched, the more awful I felt—I’m a blonde and very petite. I kind of lost it, which led to a painful fight. I asked my BF repeatedly if I’m the type of woman he’s attracted to. He said I was beautiful, he desired me, and this is just fantasy. Still, I can’t seem to get over this.

Two Sense: Should I Move To Africa for the Love of My Life?

I’m a med student who came to SF from France on a fellowship I couldn’t pass up. After a two-year long-distance relationship with the love of my life back home, my boyfriend moved here to be with me. Now his career is taking him to Africa. I love him deeply and would marry him in a minute. But I can’t give up my career, and I don’t want him to give up his. They say “love conquers all,” but we are more practical than that. We are living our life purposes, and if either of us gives that up, I’m afraid the relationship will suffer. It looks like we’re headed for an amicable but painful breakup, and it kills me that I could be giving up the best relationship I’ll ever have. How do I live with the decision? Am I making a huge mistake?" src="/sites/all/modules/wysiwyg/plugins/break/images/spacer.gif" alt="<--break->">

Splitting the Bill: The Ultimate Turnoff

I recently asked a woman out to dinner on a first date. I normally pay for the first several dates, especially if I've done the inviting. We went to Prospect, which I thought was classy and upscale without being too over-the-top (e.g. Gary Danko, etc.). But after cocktails, starters, entrees, wine, and dessert, it turned out to be the most expensive first date I'd ever been on. She offered to split the bill when it came, and I succumbed and let her. But then I called for a second date and I'm getting crickets. Mistake? 

Two Sense: Dating A Divorced Man Who Pays Alimony

I'm dating a divorced guy and we're talking about getting married and maybe having a family. I love him but he's paying a lot of alimony to his ex in another state. His ex is living with a guy but has no intention of remarrying because she likes the money. I hate to be shallow, but practically speaking, my boyfriend has a financial millstone around his neck that could be there indefinitely. And that makes it feels like there are three of us in the relationship. I'm not sure I should sign up for this.

Two Sense: Why Dependence Doesn't Work

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two-and-a-half years. We met at college, and when I moved back home to SF, he followed. I graduated and got a good job, and he took a break from school and hasn’t gone back. He’s always been a little lost, and I’ve always felt the need to guide him. His dad left when he was little, and his family is across the country. Basically, I am his life. Lately we clash about everything. He doesn’t like how I take things lightly in an effort to be more positive. He nitpicks constantly. Our good days are beyond perfect, but our bad days are getting more frequent. Has our relationship run its course, or do we just need time to fix it? I love him, but I don’t know what to do. I want someone who will go out and on vacations with me, and he wants to stay at home and seems to have no drive.

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