What’s Good Sex?


If you’re ever in earshot when someone tells me he/she just had the best sex ever, you’ll know I don’t take this information lightly.

I have to know exactly what that means.

Why was it the best sex ever? What made it different? How many orgasms did you have together? And how many separately? Are you in love? Or is it just lust? Did you talk dirty? Use props? What?!

What's Good Sex?
photography by Daniel Ha

These are some of the things I usually hear: I had an orgasm, I felt really connected, I had another orgasm, he/she just knew what I needed, it was just mind-blowingly hot, he/she was so into me …
And to myself I’m thinking: Did your partner think it was the best sex ever? Would I think so? Would anyone else for that matter?

I’d like to see a study in which 20 women have sex with the same guy over a period of a month or two with each women reporting back on her individual experiences.

Sort of like gathering all of your exes together to talk about what it was like having sex with you. Sure, a terrifying nightmare at first thought, but aren’t you a tad curious? A little constructive criticism may be good for you.

Or do you ever wonder how your ex, who was your worst lay ever, got married? Obviously someone thought he/she was not only good in bed, but good enough for life.

That said, I’m of the feeling that good sex is objective.

Bobby told me he had really bad sex the other night: “She seemed like she was putting on an act during sex. She was doing the ‘I’m a hot porn star routine’ like she’d watched too many movies or MTV.”

But isn’t it like what Woody Allen said, “Pizza is a lot like sex. When it’s good, it’s really good. When it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.“

So, would you agree that you’ve had more great sex than bad sex?

“Well, I’d definitely rather be having sex than not,” opined Bobby. “And it’s usually really good. But this just threw me off. I’ll have sex with her again; it can only get better at this point.”

Conclusion: Even the mediocre thin crust can be pretty damn tasty.

Tell me this: What’s good sex to you? And what’s bad sex?

 Email me at feedback@sexwithemily.com or comment here.


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