If this election doesn't drive you to drink, you must be drunk.
If you haven't yet found an election night support group to join, there's still hope! Several local bars and restaurants will be hosting watching parties on Tuesday. You'll find enough alcohol to float through a historic victory (or to drown your sorrows) whatever the case may be.
Nasty Women and Bad Hombres
If anything good has come from this crazy election season, it might be the Nasty Woman and Bad Hombre cocktails spawned from the final debate. Try award-winning bartender Nicky Beyries' versions at Laszlo on Tuesday for $14 each (or make them at home using the recipes published in Mother Jones). // 2526 Mission St. (Mission), laszlobar.com
Voters in Sausalito can also taste (and vote on) Copita's versions of the Nasty Woman and Bad Hombre, while watching live coverage on the television above the tequila bar. Wear your "I Voted" sticker for a free shot of tequila. You deserve it. // 739 Bridgeway (Sausalito), copitarestaurant.com
Castro residents are invited to cuddle up on the couches, armchairs and barstools of The Residence, where you won't find a Nasty Woman, but you will find a Basic Bitch, which has been on the menu longer than the FBI has been investigating Hillary Clinton. Cash only. // 718 14th St. (Castro)
Liars Dice at The Dorian
The Dorian will be hosting a viewing party in The Study, offering half-price first drinks to anyone wearing an "I Voted" sticker. They'll also have Liars Dice and Dominoes set up for those who like to play with numbers other than 271 and 538. // 2001 Chestnut St. (Marina), doriansf.com
Freedom Wings at Tamarind Hall
From 5pm to 8pm on election night, Tamarind Hall Thai Street Food & Bar is offering $5 beers and well drinks as well as specially-priced small bites. Think freedom wings, egg rolls, chicken satay and beef jerky. // 1268 Grant Ave. (North Beach), tamarindhall.com
Best of Both Worlds at Left Bank Brasserie
Menlo Park residents can watch the election returns all day in the bar (two screens, no sound), or escape the dumpster fire altogether in the dining room, where there are no TVs. Happy hour starts at 3pm and continues until closing time, because we're all going to need a few extra hours of discounted boozing. // 635 Santa Cruz Ave. (Menlo Park), leftbank.com
Drink to the Future at Canela
Rather than worry about winning on election night, Canela Bistro & Wine Bar is simply hosting an "unofficial" Hillary Clinton Victory Party on Tuesday, starting at 5:30pm. Dress as your favorite politician to win a prize, and enjoy food and drink specials throughout the evening. // 2272 Market St (Castro), canelasf.com
Celebrate Alection Night at Half Moon Bay Brewing Company
In keeping with their long tradition of public affairs and political programming through their monthly Brews and Views events, Half Moon Bay Brewing is (of course) tuning the TVs to election results starting at 5pm, offering $3 brewer's choice pints all day, and treating bar guests to complimentary "Pampered by the Chef" appetizers. They've been running their third presidential Alection since August, and Hillary's brew is beating Donald's in the popular vote, 57% to 43%. But some people are saying it's rigged. // 390 Capistrano Rd. (Half Moon Bay), hmbbrewingco.com
Trick Dog for President
Don't like either of the major party candidates for president? Pick another one from the Trick Dog for President menu, printed on a cotton flag, and get a campaign button to go along with it (see campaign video). On election night, from 3pm to 2am, trade in your official "I Voted" sticker for a free Red or Blue shot and a custom Trick Dog campaign button. // 3010 20th St. (Mission), trickdogbar.com
Watch Without Fanfare
A few more places will be screening election results but not making a big deal about it, including Woods Bar & Brewery (1701 Telegraph Ave, Oakland), Woods Polk Station (2255 Polk St, Russian Hill) and Cerveceria (3801 18th St., Mission). Black Cat (400 Eddy St., Tenderloin) will be extending happy hour from 5:30pm through the close of election coverage tomorrow and showing results on the upstairs projector.