People are kind of freaking out about this Dolores Park thing, no? The Uptown Almanac broke the news that the park will be closing for a massive $12 million dollar renovation, scheduled to begin as soon as August 2011. Holy hell! That means we're only eighteen months away from a hipster catastrophe of the highest order! And while I'm sorry for the businesses and residents who will have to suffer through the reno (Really. I am. I lived in Boston during the Big Dig, only to move away when it was finally completed.), I think that we can all agree that Dolores Park has seen better days. The poorly irrigated ground is perpetually damp with rain and dog pee (at least, that's what you're hoping it is). The bathrooms? Super-sketchy, but oh-so-necessary when you've spent the entire day drinking beer and rosé in the sun. The tennis courts are falling apart, and there should be a nurse stationed outside the playground to administer preemptive tetnus shots.

Citysearch SF labeled the project a "tragedy," while SFist published a list of other parks to tide you over during the closure. Judging from the comments, this did very little to quell the hysteria. Friends, we have no choice but to treat the next year and a half at Dolores as though it's our last—at least for a while.