by The 4-Way Panel
Dear 4-Way,
I’ve recently met someone of interest, but I swear he is Mr. Molasses. He takes a very long time to return calls or initiate something. But when we are together, we have a great time—conversation is great, we are attracted to each other, and there is definite interest in continuing to do things together. However, it’s been more than two months that we’ve been going on dates, and we are still in the kiss goodnight and see you next time phase. We speak or email once or twice per week, but there is no momentum to get to the next phase … whatever that may be with us. On the one hand, he seems like definite relationship potential, but on the other hand, I’m not sure if I should just consider him eternally casual and not serious. Are we just getting slower to action in our early 40s, or should I mix it up and start seeing other people?—AG
I’ve dated Mr. Molasses before and the whole experience plunged me smack dab into a big bottle of Grey Goose. On one hand, I’d like to say that good things take time, be patient. But on the other (smarter) hand, I think that the beginning of a relationship is all about momentum. And in that department, you’ve got nothin’.
But you can be smarter than I was, AG. You can solve the mystery right now. The reason I was drowning in vodka is because I never had the balls to ask my guy what was going on. Somewhere along the way, I’d come to believe (and maybe you have too?) that asking would scare him away and send him running for the hills and out of my life. And it just might. But screw that, you deserve to know. Let go of your fear and ask.
If words aren’t your forte, try your hands. Maybe try them down his pants. Or under his shirt. Or on his ass. You’re already kissing goodnight, and if I’m not mistaken, it’s not 1956. Somebody’s gotta make a move here, and from what you’ve described, he isn’t just in it for the sex. (Unless you’re having a quickie on the front porch after you kiss good night and failed to mention it.) He seems like he might have too much of a conscience to sleep with you just for sport.
The only thing I’m wondering is why you haven’t taken any action yet. Are you scared to hear the truth? Think about this: Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Who isn’t dying to take things to the next level? No matter how much you like him, that’s no fun and you deserve more.
As the people at Publisher’s Clearing House say, “You can’t win if you don’t play.” It’s time to play, AG. Take control right now so you can move on, with him or without him.
Check in tomorrow to read the straight man's perspective by Chris Kennedy.
The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at rbrown@realgirlsmedia.com. To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.
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