by The 4-Way Panel
Dear 4-Way,
I’ve recently met someone of interest, but I swear he is Mr. Molasses. He takes a very long time to return calls or initiate something. But when we are together, we have a great time—conversation is great, we are attracted to each other, and there is definite interest in continuing to do things together. However, it’s been more than two months that we’ve been going on dates, and we are still in the kiss goodnight and see you next time phase. We speak or email once or twice per week, but there is no momentum to get to the next phase … whatever that may be with us. On the one hand, he seems like definite relationship potential, but on the other hand, I’m not sure if I should just consider him eternally casual and not serious. Are we just getting slower to action in our early 40s, or should I mix it up and start seeing other people?—AG
Well, I’m just guessing that if you’ve dubbed this guy, “Mr. Molasses,” it’s because he’s moving too slowly for you—unless I’ve misinterpreted this and you’ve named him Mr. Molasses because he’s sticky and sweet. If that’s the case, then disregard the ensuing advice and enjoy.
As brilliant as we 4-Wayers are (I like to think so anyway), we aren’t mind readers and don’t know what this guy is thinking. I don’t know of a 4-Way soothsayer group, but if there is one, definitely let them know and tell them we have some questions for them ourselves. Since you probably don’t know either, here’s the solution.
It’s very simple—I didn’t say easy, but simple. Talk to him. Ask him where he wants your relationship to go. Tell him where you’re coming from. Tell him you feel things are leveling off, getting stagnant, and not going anywhere. You want to take it to the next level. You like him and want to be more serious, less casual. You feel you two have reached the point where you need to know what’s next.
He may wonder what that means. It means you want more contact during the week. You won’t settle for too much lag time in responding to your calls and emails. You want to get more physical with him. This part should get him the most interested, so save it for last. Sex sells.
My gut is that he’s not interested in taking this any further. His inaction in calling you, romancing you, and such are pretty good indicators. If this is the case, then break it off and start seeing other people. You’re in your forties—not your eighties—and things are not supposed to move this slowly.
Let him pour that molasses on some early bird specials while you fly away.
Check in tomorrow to read the gay woman’s perspective by Jody Fischer.
The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at rbrown@realgirlsmedia.com. To read more of The 4-Way columns or to listen to our podcasts, visit The 4-Way now.
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